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He Raa 


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JUL 25 1983 
FEB 1 7 1988 | 


L161—0O-1096 


Brewster’s Millions 


A COMEDY IN FOUR AGTS 


BY 
WINCHELL SMITH ann BYRON ONGLEY 


Dramatized from the Novel, “Brewster’s Millions,” by 
George Barr McCutcheon, published and duly 
copyrighted by Dodd, Mead & Co., 1904 


Duly copyrighted as a play, 1907 and 1925, in the United States 
of America, the Dominion of Canada, Great Britain, and 
all countries of the Copyright Union, by Winchell Smith 


ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 


CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that 
“BREWSTER’S MILLIONS,” being fully protected under the 
copyright laws of the United States, the British Empire, and 
other countries of the Copyright Union, is subject to a royalty, 
and anyone presenting the play without the consent of the 
owners or their authorized agents will be liable to the penalties 
_by law provided. Applications for the amateur acting rights 
must be made to Samuel French, 23 West 45th Street, New 
York, N. Y. Applications. for the professional acting rights 
Po be made to Sanger & Jordan, Times Building, New York, 


New York: London: 
SAMUEL FRENCH SAMUEL FRENCH, Lt. 
Publisher 26 Southampton Street 


25 West 45th Street | Strand 


“Brewster's Millions” 
All Righis Reserved 


—- 


Especial notice should be taken that the possession of 
this book without a valid contract for production first 
having been obtained from the publisher, confers no right 
or license to professionals or amateurs to produce the play — 
publicly or in private for gain or charity. 


In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading 
public only, and no performance, representation, produc- 
tion, recitation, or public reading, or radio broadcasting 
may be given except by special arrangement with Samuel 
French, 25 West 45th Street, New York. 


This play may be presented by amateurs upon payment! 
of a royalty of Twenty-Five Dollars tor each performance, 
payable to Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New 
York, one week before the date when the play is given. — 


Whenever the play is produced the following notice must 
appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the 
play: “Produced by special arrangement with Samuel 
French of New York.” 


Attention is called. to the penalty provided by law for 
any infringement of the author’s rights, as follows: 


“SECTION 4966:—Any person publicly performing or rep- 
resenting any dramatic or musical composition for which 
copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the 
proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his 
heirs and assigns, shall be liable for damages thereof, such 
damages, in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less 
than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for 
every subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear 
to be just. If the unlawful performance and representation 
be wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be 
guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction shall be im- 
prisoned for a period not exceeding one year.”—U. S. 
Revised Statutes: Title 60, Chap. 3. 


age nase rin 


a ee 


—* 


The play was produced at the New Amsterdam Theatre, 
New York, December 31, 1906, with the following cast: 


_ ARCHIBALD VANDERPOOL ........... seccceee Sumner Gard 
PRPOSEPH, MACCLOUD Yi... cae ce ec ccserns Josepn Woodburn 
FRANK BRAGDON ..... Res PORES cee Se Ruane He Willard Howe 
PRUINOPPER (HL ARRISON ub ciaied onus ess Cul ae George Probert 
PE MIRS DAN VOR U MINER Oks cise descent eae Emily Lytton 
HIORACE OP RETEMOHIE Oy iueddicits dielpie'as ¢ Shears .. Gaston Bell 
SUBWAY SMIPH OC) Utes. yc huts METRE Bia A Jack Devereaux 
RAWLES) tee 0's Sah ALTE eT RAST SRC aE CA. George Clare 
VARBARA MIRE Wea Wie 0d SEER acute Oe Olive Murray 
NEGEOT PERI FM Gd ciple no Mier ariel ..+. Nestor Lennon 
VARIOCE INEM STRONG. ah ON ee oactn's akan nee Josephine Park 
MARCAREE AsRAY UO PEGGY) lf) SU udals Gumus ey Mary Ryan 
MonTGOMERY Brewster (“MonrtTy’)...... Edward Abeles 
FRED GARDNER ........ PU eas Sa Che Sen AC Leshe Bassett 
ER ES RANT a Puig Gomes lode nealt ola uel g Sik a Albert Sackett 
PRRIOACA Sa inate we in. a ey eats .. Arthur Morris 
PREC IE OLAV POM Var Lew a a diare wey ynatorsiWigie Cecile Breton 
FIRST OFFICE BOY oi se LA OA de wa at ON Ph ARE . Roy Prosser 
SECOND OFfFIcE Boy .......... PR pena ate .... Willie Frank 
DIONSTEN a BARGE eo ag is als sbgnsa ea Eugene Redding 
VET SS MESON TIN CU id w dedk cha ala aeletoukies He Keele Edna Burns 
Pitta) PIO RLM AN tia tin oe enh aig a gia George Wright 
ROMTPUALIG AEB Wy, (NC uryie Whately hes: y Wee tN aye iil Wiliam Rawson 
STEWARD 058s 3 UEELICE GRAN Ga OSCAR Pah George Spelvin 
COG ARTER MASTER CUE a CU lat 2 ers i Darl MacBovyle 


Sattors—Walter Clifton, Joseph Turpin, Martin Hoag, 
Albert Sperry and John Hodge. 


Act I—Drawing Room in the Brewster Home. 


Act II—“Moniy” Brewster's Business Offices in the Man- 
hatian Bank Building. 


Act I1J—On Board the Auxiliary Yacht “Flitter’ in the 
Mediterranean Sea. 


Act 1V—“‘Monty” Brewster's Home, Just After the Auc- 
tion Sale, Sepiember 23, Twenty Minutes of 
Twelve, Noon. 


ES 


CHARACTERS 


ARCHIBALD V ANDERPOOL 

JosEpH MacCioup 

FRANK BRAGDON 

NoprEr HARRISON 

Mrs. Dan DE MILLE 

SuBpwAyY SMITH 

RAWLES 

BARBARA DREW 

CoLONEL DREW 

JANICE ARMSTRONG 

MarGARET GRAY (PEGGY) 

MontcomEry Brewster (Monty) 

Mr. GRANT 

THOMAS 

TRIXIE CLAYTON 

First Orrice Boy 

MONSIEUR BARGLE 

SECOND OrFice Boy 

Miss Boynton 

CAPTAIN PERRY 

i JUARTERMASTER 
SAILORS 


Brewster’s Muillions 
ACT I 


ScENE: Represents drawing room of the house left 
MontTGcoMERY Brewster by his grandfather. 
Large arch on the L. showing glimpse of hall v. 
and stairway L.U. of arch. Portieres. Scene is 
oblique so as to form a triangle. Arch entrance 
R. second to library. Table bunch bowl R. in 
arch off R.2. Large hanging lamp c., decora- 
tions with shields and spears on wall L.vU.£. table 
up R., settee down R.c. Large ottoman c. Step- 
ladder in front of portieres at arch L.2. Two 
large chairs side by side below arch u. and L.c. 


DISCOVERED: PETTINGILL on ladder arranging porti- 
eres; Harrison below him, holding curtain 
pins; Tuomas, footman, holding ladder; VAN- 
DERPOOL sitting L., MacCioup in library off R., 
mixing punch; BRAGDON, R.c., pulling cork from 
claret bottle. All in evening dress im this act 
except Monty. 


AT RisE: VANDERPOOL lazily watching PETTINGILL. 


VANDERPOOL. (Seated L.c.) Steady with the lad- 
der, Thomas, or the Little Sons of the Rich will 
suffer another loss. Mr. Pettingill is a valuable ad- 
junct to the world of art, and it would be disap- 


5 


6 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


pointing to bear him forth from the field of his 
labors on a shutter. 

Mack. (Turning to VANDERPOOL, R., mixing 
punch with coat off) Shut up, Van. You lawyers 
should save your eloquence for the jury room. (Ke- 
sumes making punch.) 

Noprer. (Offering curtain pin) Want another? 

PetTinciLy. No, thank you. 

Bracpon. (Crossing to Mack with claret bottle 
open) Don’t get the punch too heavy, Mack. 

Mack. Oh, I know enough not to make a long- 
shoreman’s drink. | 

VANDERPOOL. And remember, Sunshine, go light 
on the rum and strong on the claret, this isn’t a stag 
housewarming. We don’t want to stagger the ladies. 


(Bracpon, Mack and Nopper start for him. GILLy 
turns, and slips down a step on ladder—crash. 
This stops the others from mobbing Van for 


his aveful pun.) 


VANDERPOOL. (Turns a little at commotion. 
Calmly) Careful, Gillie. I don’t want to be a 
prophet in my own country. (GILLIE descends lad- 
der. Macx fills a punch glass and starts to Brac- 
pon to taste it L.) 

Bracpon. (c. Going a few steps toward VAN) 
See here, Mr. Much-Talk, cut out a little of this 
monologue and do something. Help Mack slice the 
oranges. (Exit Tuomas L. with ladder.) 

Mack. (R.c.) Don’t ask him to do anything. 
(Sees Mrs. DEMittEL.c.) I beg your pardon, Mrs. 
DeMille. (Runs off x.2 for his coat, setting punch 
glass back on tray as he passes.) | 

Bracpon, (u.c. Enter Mrs. DEMILLE from up- 
stairs going c.) Is everything in good shape, Mrs. 
DeMille? (VAN rises.) 

Mrs. DeMitie. (Crossing c. after a little laugh 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 4 


at Mack) Yes, indeed! Monty has a beautiful 
home here. (Turns R.c.) Thanks to the efforts of 
the Little Sons of the Rich. (A little bow from all 
the boys in acknowledgment.) You have done mar- 
vels with the house, Mr. Pettingill. (Crossing to 
_ PETTINGILL.) 

PETTINGILL. (L.1. Turns from portieres) Thank 
you. 

Bracpon. (c.) Gilly never had a chance to 
spread himself before. 

Gitty. (L.) You see, when Monty was called 
South, he gave me carte blanche to do as I pleased. 
(Stussy starts bad ragtime on piano off R.) 

Mrs. DeMixie. And he does not know a thing 
of what you have done? 


(Mack enters R., stands up R.c.) 


VANDERPOOL. (Takes stage to c.) Not a thing, 
Mrs. Dan. Petty has practically rebuilt the house, 
Harrison has engaged the servants and Gardner is 
waiting at the station, ready to nab Monty and bring 
him here: then we will all cheer him and sing “Jolly 
Good Fellow” at him, and after that, if he is disap- 
pointed, he will never have the nerve to say so. 

Mrs. DeMitte. (Sits r. on sofa) He surely 
won't be disappointed. (Music from piano off R. 
Very loud.) 

VANDERPOOL. (Takes a step up and looks off x.) 
Say, can’t somebody wake Subby up? He’s having 
an awful dream in there. 

Mack. J'll wake him up. (Exit x.) 

Mrs. DeMitre. I suppose he picked out the piano 
and wants to see how much it will stand (Mu- 
sic suddenly stops and there is a crash off x.) 

Mack. (Entering x.) He’s stopped. (Goes to 
BraGpon and NoppeEr c.) ae 

SuBwaAy SmitH. (Enters R., limping slightly ond 


8 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


rubbing his knee) Sunshine! I suppose chucking 
me on the floor and breaking the piano stool was a 
tip that you could get along without my ragtime. 
(Goes to setiee and sits beside Mrs, DEMILLE on her 
L. When there is no piano, SUBBY can do some vo- 
calizging and the line can be changed to “I suppose 
bowling me over and rough-housing the furniture,’ 
etc. Also Mrs. DeMitte’s line should be changed 
to “Are we adding music to the festivities?” ) 

Mrs. DEMitte. Did the tip hurt you? 

Suppy. No, I like it—my knee-cap is tickled to 
death. I was doping out the tempo of an opening 
chorus when Mack rang in the finale. 

Mrs. DEMitte. You should save your musical 
outbursts until your songstress arrives. She's com- 
ing, isn’t she? 

Supspy. Trixie? Oh, she'll be here, all right. 
You can’t lose Trixie, Gee, I hope you'll like her, — 
Mrs. Dan. I’m crazy about her voice. All she needs 
is a chance. 

Noprer. (Crosses down c.) Colonel Drew and 
his daughter are coming, are they not, Mrs. Dan? 
(VANDERPOOL crosses to MAcK.) 

Mrs. DeMitte. [ invited them, and Janice Arm- 
strong, too. She is visiting Barbara Drew, you 
know. (NOopPER rejoins Mack and VANDERPOOL.) 

SupBy. Oh! Is Miss Strong Arm coming? 
(Bus.) ; ! 

Mrs. Dan. You mustn’t make fun of Janice. 
I’m very fond of her. (Rises—crosses R.c.) 

iat Oh, very well. (Rises, crosses up R. to 
R.C. 

Noprer. (Zo Mrs. Dan, looking at watch— 
Mack crosses R.) I hope they’ll arrive soon. It’s 
nearly time for Monty now. He’ll be here promptly 
at ae (VANDERPOOL @ step to meet Sus- 
BY. 
Suppy. (Up Rr.c.—a step down) Why, Peggy— 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS —g 


er—Miss Gray isn’t here yet, is she? (General buzz 


of conversation.) 

Mrs. DAn. (c.) Why, where is Peggy? 

Noprer. (1.c.) She should be here now. There 
wouldn’t be a housewarming without her. 

Bracpon. (uL.) She must be here. [Tm going 
over there and find out what’s wrong. How much 
time have I, Nopper? 

Nopprer. About twelve minutes. 

Bracpon. I can make it. (Exit x.) 

Noprer. I can’t see why she isn’t here—Peggy, 
of all people. (VANDERPOOL works down R.) 

Raw es. (Enters L., announcing) Colonel Drew, 


Miss Drew, Miss Armstrong. 


' Mrs. Dan. Ah, Barbara! 

BarBara. (Enters L., nods to Mrs. DAN, cross- 
ing to VANDERPOOL) We are so sorry to be late. 
Papa was detained at the bank. We simply rushed 
through dinner. (NoppEerR meets Mack up R.c.) 

Mrs. Dan. Ah, Colonel! 

CoLoneL. (Enters—crosses R.) Ah, good eve- 
ning. 

Janice. (Enters L.—crosses L.c. and speaks) 
Hello! Hello!. Hello! 

Mrs. Dan. (Crosses down, meets JANICE, Cc.) I’m 
awfully glad you came, Janice. 

Janice. (c.) I’m glad to be here, but I don’t 
know the game. Tell a fellow about it. 

. Mrs. Dan. (c.) We're giving our young friend, 
Monty Brewster, a housewarming and_ surprise 
party. 

VANDERPOOL. (Quietly indicating JANICE by look 
R.) Subby, who zs that fellow? 

Suspy. (Turns rR.) That’s old chap Armstrong. 
She’s all right, only she has ideas and tries to be a 
good fellow, and that handicaps her some. 

~VANDERPOOL. She looks good tome. (Crosses up 
rR. and to Mrs. DAN at ottoman.) 


10 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


BarBaRA, (R.) It’s all too sweet for words. Why 
don’t you look about you, Janice? (Mrs. DAN goes 
up to ottoman—sits.) 

janice. (Crossing around chairs L.—looking the 
place all over as she goes tov...) Ihave looked, old 
girl. Seems all right to me—not insistently million- 
airish, naturally conceived, color scheme quite the 
thing, and, all considered, rings true. 

Suspsy. (Crosses c.) How’s everything in Bos- 
ton? 

JANicE. Wrong, as usual, Subby Smith. I’m 
from Chicago. (All laugh slightly at this—SupBpy 
crosses back to BARBARA.) 

Mrs. Dan. Why, Archie, you don’t mean to say 
you don’t know Miss Armstrong? 

VANDERPOOL. I know of Miss Armstrong. (They 
come down a step.) 

Mrs. Dan. Miss Armstrong, let me present one 
of our rising young attorneys, Mr. Archibald Van- 
derpool. (He beams—crosses to her to make the 
speech of his life. Her hearty grip takes it all out 
of him and he stammers his first line.) 

Janice. How are you? 

VANDERPOOL. Delighted to know you, Miss Arm- 
strong. The Little Sons of the Rich are proud and 
honored to have you participate in our housewarm 
ing. | 

Janice. Please tell me, like a good fellow, who 
are the Little Sons of the Rich? 

VANDERPOOL. (In his best style) Weare a band 
of eight. (All give attention.) We call ourselves 
the Little Sons of the Rich because although there 
is a fortune hanging somewhere about each of our 
family trees, no one of us is worth a dollar. 

Suppy. (Comes down c.) You mean was worth 
a dollar. Fortune to the extent of a million dollars 
has smiled upon our ringleader, Monty Brewster. 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS _ It 


Behold us awaiting his return. (He pirouettes and 
crosses up C.) 

VaNDERPOOL. (Continues—-a disqusted look at 
Suppy) And now the Little Sons of the Rich are 
congregated for the last time. 

Mrs. Dan. (On ottoman c.) Why for the last 
time? : 

VANDERPOOL. The spell is broken. After tonight 
the Little Sons of the Rich will be but a memory. 

Supsy. (c., with Mrs. Dan) Well, we won't 
cry about it. (VANDERPOOL turns to JANICE.) 

CoLoNnEL. (Crossing down R.c. to c. with Nop- 
PER—MaAcx crosses to L. and sits) It’s a great pleas- 
ure to me to—ah—figure in Montgomery’s good for- 
tune. 

Noprer. (c.) Monty deserves all the luck that 
comes to him or ever may come. 

CoLtonet. (R. of c.) By the way—where is Miss 
Peggy? (Turns to BARBARA.) 

BarBara. (R.) Who is Miss Peggy? 

CotoneEL. Why, Miss Peggy Gray, my dear. 

BARBARA. Oh, of course. Mr. Brewster used to 
live in her mother’s boarding house, didn’t he? (Her 
inflection has just the slighiest possible disparaging 
insinuation. ) 

Noprer. (Quietly but very positively correcting 
her) Monty shared Mrs. Gray’s home from child- 
hood, Miss Drew. He’s all that a son could be to 
her. ) 

BarBaraA. (Stis) Is she going to be here to share 
in his surprise? 

Noprer. We believe so. 

Mack. (Enters u., u.c.) Nopper? 

Noprer. (c.) Yes?. 

Mack. Just a moment, please. 

Noprer. Will you excuse me, Colonel? 


(Mack and Noprer exit i.) 


2 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


CoLonEL. Certainly. (To Supsy) Smith, I like 
that young man. Who is he? 

Sugsy. That, Colonel, is Nopper Harrison, the 
most gentle, sober-minded and withal business-like 
fellow in America. Mont’s his weakness. _ 


(Mrs. DAN rises and starts to cross R. BARBARA 
stops her.) 


BARBARA. (Rises, crosses R.c.) Don’t you think, 
Mrs. Dan, it’s rather too bad to have a great luxuri- 
ous home like this go to waste on a bachelor? (Mack 
and NopPer enter L. and hear this.) 

Mack. (t.c.) As bachelors, Miss Drew, the 
Little Sons of the Rich resent the word “waste.” 

THe LittLe Sons. Wedo! (Jn unison—extrav- 
agant bow—all but Mack.) ie 

BARBARA, I abjectly beg the poor bachelor’s par- 
don. (Laughs and curtseys.) 

VANDERPOOL. (L.) I think perhaps Monty has 
hopes, Miss Drew. (Sits on chair by JANICE.) 

Barpara. Oh, indeed! Papa! 


(Boys, except VANDERPOOL, gather around Mrs. 
DAN up L., one of them is telling a story im pan- 
tomime. ) 


CoLONEL. (R.) Yes, my dear—what is it? 
BARBARA. (Crosses to him) Don’t forget! 
CoLoneL. What, my dear? 

BARBARA. (Just enough meaning to have tt de- 
tected) Ask Mr. Brewster to dinner to-morrow 
night, 

CoLtoneL.. Of course—I intended to do that. 
(Unconscious of tt. General laugh from bunch up 
L. Mack crosses R. to punch-bowl.) 

JANIcE. (L., seated) I mean temperamental. 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 13 


VANDERPOOL. (L.C., seated) You are quite tem- 
peramental, aren’t you? 

JANICE. Yes, but not sentimental. 

VANDERPOOL. I see. 

Janice. Yes, that’s the main argument in my new 
book, ‘The Higher Demonstration of Platonism.” 

VANDERPOOL. What do you demonstrate ? 

JAnicE. (Front) I bear the torch of friendship, 
which lights the way to a thorough understanding 
between the sexes. Good fellowship, without ul- 
terior motives: ‘‘Handshakes without a lingering 
caress—er ts 

VANDERPOOL. —Greetings on the eyebrow rather 
than on the lips. | 

Janice. (A pause) Your understanding is cap- 
tivating, dear boy. 

VANDERPOOL. I should say invigorating, accord- 
ing to Platonism. 

Janice. (Rising) I stand corrected. We shall 
be pals. (Offers her hand.) 

VANDERPOOL. (Rises and takes it) Thanks, old 
chap. 


(NoprerR starts down c. RAwtes’ line stops him 
L.c. Mrs. DAN crosses R. at back.) 


Janice. Let’s get away from the women where 
we can smoke. (Crosses around chair and up L. 
VANDERPOOL follows. NoppER starts to cross C.) 

Rawtes. (Enters it.) Mr. Harrison, Mr. Brew- 
ster just telephoned that he will arrive in three min- 
utes. 

Noprer. All right, Rawles. Let us know the mo- 
ment he drives up. 

RAWLES. Yes, sir. (Exit Lt. General buaz of 
talk and movement.) 

Mack. (R. with tray and punch-glasses filled) 
Make room for the punch! (General exclamation 


14 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


from all. He crosses L. at back and DL. SuBBY 
gets his—then NopreR, VANDERPOOL, JANICE, then 
Mrs. DEMILLE, L.c. BARBARA, COLONEL, etc., R.C. 
and R. as dialogue continues.) 

BARBARA (Crosses down R.c.) Oh, I’m so ex- 
cited ! , 

Supsy. (Coming down to her) 1 don’t see why 
you're excited, Miss Drew. Millionaires are no nov- 
elty to you. 

Mrs. Dan. (Hears as she is crossing L. and stops 
c.) A nice boy falling heir to a million is always an 
excitement to everybody. (She meets Mack c. and 
takes punch.) 

BARBARA. (R.) Thank you, Mrs, Dan. 

Sussy. (Coming down c., “happy thought’) We 
ought to receive him with applause and speeches. 
Now, in my opera, when the tenor comes in 

Att. Oh, Subby, please don’t! 

Mack. (Crossing Rr.) Oh, cut it out, Sub! I’ve 
heard nothing but that opera of yours for two 
months. (CoLONEL takes punch and crosses to L.c. 
to NoppeEr.) 

Mrs. Dan. Subby, won’t you pose us? 

Susppy. (l/s just taking punch—replaces it on 
tray) With pleasure. (Crosses cc.) Mrs. Dan, will 
you stand by the staircase, please? And Mack. 
(She takes her place up tv.) 

Mack. (Replacing tray on table R.) Yes? 

Suspsy. You do the adoring at her feet. 

Macx. What? 

Suppy. (c.) Then I'll do it myself. (Goes to 
Mrs. Dan. Kneels at her feet—punch-glass, etc.) 

Mack. All right, stay there and keep quiet. 

SuBBy. Now, Colonel Drew, right over here, 
please, by the sofa. (SuBsy goes up R.c. for CoLo- 
NEL and escorts him to his place. CoLoNEeL takes 
place.) That’s it. 

CoLonEL. (R.) How are you going to pose me? 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 15 


How does this look? (Puts his arm on BaRBaARA’sS 
shoulder.) 

Mack. (R.) No, no! This is not a daguerro- 
type, Colonel. It’s 1924. 

COLONEL, Oh! 

Susppy. (Turning) Nopper, Nopper 
right. You're all right. 

Noprer. (Up t.c.) Save a place for Peggy 
Gray. Heavens, we can’t do this surprise without 
her. 

Mack. (R.) Brag will get her here if she’s alive. 

Sussy. Now, Miss Armstrong, right up here, 
please. (Indicating up c. Miss ARMSTRONG goes 
upc.) And Van, you keep her company. (VAN- 
DERPOOL follows.) Mack, you and I by the punch. 
(c.) Now—fine! Now, everyone raise their glasses 
when Monty comes in. 

Supsy. (Up L.) Just a moment—I have an idea. 
(Runs down c. Everyone moves and speaks to 
him.) 

Aut. Oh, Subby! That your idea! (Etc., ete.) 

Mack. (Topping it) Hold your places. Oh, 
keep quiet. (Pushes Sussy back, trying to quiet 
him—gives it up and crosses R. to Mack and takes 
punch.) 

Supsy. (Takes place c. where Mack was. As 
Mack bus.) Just a moment, please! (Comes back 
down c.) What I wanted to say was, this is in my 
opera. When the tenor comes in, they all raise their 
glasses and say, “Hail to the King!’ Now, all to- 
gether, “Hail to the King!” 

Aut. (After a tick of silence) “Hail to the 
King!” (This is said badly, VANDERPOOL’S voice 
coming in a weak last. SuBsy goes up c. in dis- 
gust.) 

Janice. (Up Rc.) Rotten! Why not be natu- 
ral? Let’s just drink to him and say, “Welcome 
home!” 


Oh, all 


16 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Suppy. (Up c.) Oh, all right, just as you say. 
Now, all together, “Welcome home!” 

ALL, “Welcome home!” 

Peccy. (Enters L. just in time to get the benefit 
of this—she makes a curtsey and says) Thank you. 
(c.) 

Ati, Peggy at last! The late Miss Gray! (Eitc., 
etc.) 

Mrs, Dan. (Comes to her c.) Why, Peggy Gray, 
where have you been? 

Preccy. (Turns to her) Am 1 late? 

Mrs. Dan. No, but you are only just in time. 
(Enter BRAGDON L.) 

Bracpon. (L.) Pst! Monty has just driven up 
to the door! 

Suspy. (L.) Quick, Miss Gray—over here, and 
Brag, down by Miss Drew! (PEGGY crosses R.2. 
Mack gives her punch, BRAGDON crosses R.1.) 

Noprer. (Very distinctly—up t.c.) Now, quiet, 
everyone. Out go the lights, and when they go up 
we'll all raise our glasses and say, “Welcome home!” 


(Harrison turns off switch and lights go out. All 
lights must be cut out simulianeously—stage, 
house, orchestra, etc., leaving faint moonlight— 
blue strip on floor 0 ff L. window. Quiet pause.) 


Mrs. Dan. Careful, Subby—you'll make me spill 
my punch. (Pause.) 

Janice. Why, Mr. Vanderpool! (Laugh from 
BARBARA. ) 

ALL. oll 

Barsara. (Whispering) I’ve forgotten what to 


say. 
Aut. (In whisper) MWaleome home! (Slam 
of door outside.) 
Noprer. Sh! | 
Monty. (Off stage L.) Cheerful, ain’t it, Rawles? 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 17 


Where are my servants? Can’t a millionaire have lights 
in his own house? 

Rawies. (Of i.) Go right in that way—IT’ll attend 
to the lights. 

Monty. It’s easy enough for you to say, “Go right 
in that way,’ Rawles, but you can’t see your hand be- 
fore you. (Enters tt.) It’s black as ink around here— 
(RAWLEs enters L.) I always hate to go into a dark 
room—it reminds me of that story about the girl im 
the Turkish bath. 

RAwLeEs. (L.) Shut up, old man. 

Monty. (c.) When they turned the lights o 

RAw.es. Shut up, I tell you. 
Monty. (Comes down L., stumbles over ottoman) 
Damn! (As if afraid of dark) Rawles, where are 
you? 

RAwLeEs. (Quietly) Im here. 

Monty. Let’s get out of this tomb and go home. 

RAWLES. You are home. 

Monty. I mean Peggy’s home. This infernal place 
gives me the shivers already. 

Noprer. (Loud voice) Lights! 


(Lights full up. RAwtes takes Monty’s hat and coat 
and crosses L.—a tick of pause. The first one 
“Welcome Home’ a bit backward, as there is no 
leader now.) 


Aut. (Rushing down and forming a half-circle 
about Monty) Welcome home! 

CoLoNEL. (t.c.) One moment, please. Here’s 
prosperity, health and happiness to Montgomery Brew- 
ster ! 

Att. Speech, Monty! Speech, Monty! (Ete. En- 
ter RAWLES.) 

Monty. I do believe in Fairies. I do—I do—lI do. 
(Peter Pan bus. Slight laugh from all.) If my heart 
doesn’t stop beating, [’ll try to tell you how much I 


18 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


appreciate this. Ladies and gentlemen, I can’t make a 


speech 
Att. Oh, yes, you can! Go ahead! Try, any- 
how! (£tc.) 


Monty. But let me assure you that you will always 
be as welcome here as you made me feel to-night. 

Noprer. (Shaking hands with Monty) Good boy, 
Monty! 


(Monty shakes hands with all around the circle—first 
Noprer, CoLonet, Mrs. Dan, SuBBY, VANDER-- 
POOL, JANICE, Bracpon, Mack. General greetings, 
etc. Sees Preccy as he gets to BARBARA and for- 
gets he started to shake BARBARA’S hand. Crosses 
at once to PEGGY.) 


ALL. Fine—great! 
(THomaAs enters R. with tray to get glasses.) 


Mrs. Dan. You should see the decorations. 

Bracpon. Hello, Monty, old boy! 

BARBARA. Congratulations, Mr. Brewster! 

Monty. How do you do? (Sees Pecey.) Peggy, 
I’m so glad to see you again. : 

Preccy. (R.) It’s good to have you—home, Monty. 


(Tuomas, R.c., is collecting the punch-glasses during 
this as greetings are exchanged—each turns up and 
places glass on tray.) 


RAwLeEs. (c. Has entered L. and comes down L. of 
Monty) Beg pardon, sir. 

Monty. (Sees Raw tes for first time) Is that mine, 
too? 

Peccy. He’s your butler. 

Monty. Oh! (Crosses to him c.) 

Raw tes. I have a message for you, sir. 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 19 


Monty. Would you mind telling me your name? 

RAWLEsS. Rawles, sir. 

Monty. Thank you. Isn’t this a rather peculiar 
time for a message, Rawles? 

RaAwLeEs. Beg pardon, sir. I fear it’s very urgent. 

Monty. Oh, very well. Let’s have it. 

Rawtes. Mr. Grant, of Grant & Ripley, has called 
repeatedly, sir. I informed him that you would arrive 
this evening. He will return at nine o’clock. He states 
that his business is of vital importance and will admit 
of no delay. 

Monty. Who the deuce are Grant and Ripley? 

RAwtes. (Handing Monty card) His card, sir! 

Monty. Attorneys-at-law. Well, Rawles, if you 
don’t mind, when Mr. Grant calls, say that I have 
guests to-night and I am busy. If it is very urgent I 
will see him to-night. 

Raw.es. Yes, sir. (Crosses L.) 

Monty. (c.) And Rawles 

Raw tes. (Stops and turns, .c.) Yes, sir. 

Monty. I’m very much obliged to you, I’m sure. 


(Suppy comes down c., watching this. RAWLES exits 
L. Monty watches him, then turns on SuUBBY’S 
laugh.) 


Susppy. (c.) Ha, ha! You seem afraid of your 
butler, Monty. 

Monty. lam, Subby. But I’m trying not to show 
| Mae sey 

Supsy. Oh, Monty! 

Monty. Hello! 

Suppy. I’ve invited a singer to do a little warbling 
for us to-night. 

Monty. (c.) One a your hidden geniuses? Fine 
or superfine? 

Suszpy. (c.) Super—Miss Trixie Clayton. 

Monty. Not the chorus girl! 


28 BREWSTHR’S MILLIONS 


Supsy. Oh, it’s all right. She won’t mind. 
Monty. She wo 
Sugsy. She’s all right—I told Mrs. Dan about it 
and she said to have her come. ° 
. > Monty. All right, Sub. . Don’t let it worry you. 
I’m not objecting, you know. (Crosses R. to PEaey.) 

Supsy. I just wanted to tell you, that’s all. (He 
goes up c., MONTY joms PEGGY R.) 

Monty. Peggy, tell me 

BARBARA. (Going to Monty and taking his arm) 
Now we are going to show you over the house, Mr. 
Brewster. 

Monty. (About to refuse im favor of PEGGY— 
PEGGY goes up, and Monty, after noticing it) Why, 
certainly. Subby, Subby, lead the way, will you? 

Suppy. (R.) All right. This way, everybody! 


(General chatter from all. Exit omnes R., excepting 
Peccy. PrEccy goes down to chair L., sits.) 


Mrs. DAN. (Is lasi—ts about to exit—sees PEGGY; 
goes back to her) I think I'll stay with you, Peggy, 
if you don’t mind. 

Peccy. Of course! 

Mrs, Dan. (Sits) We've seen the house from top 
to bottom already. Monty certainly was surprised, 
wasn't he? (Pause. PrEacy stares straight ahead, lost 
in thought.) I hope he will be as pleased with the 
whole house as he seemed to be with these rooms. 
(Pause.) Don’t your 

Preccy. (Recovering herself) Of course. 

Mrs. Dan. I should be lonesome living in such a 
big house by myself. I do hope he will be happy here. 

Preccy. I hope everything good and beautiful will 
be Monty’s in this new life. 

Mrs. Dan. Just as it was in the old life. 

Precy. (Looking curiously at Mrs. Dan) What do 
you, mean? 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 21 


Mrs. Dan. The good and beautiful influence he has 
had about him ever since he has lived in your mother’s 
home. 

Peccy. Monty doesn’t need any influence to keep 
him straight. 

Mrs. Dan. (Getting a little close to PeEccy) He 
needs you and your mother zow more than ever. 

Preccy. (Very conscious and trying to seem disin- 
terested) But his circumstances are so different now 
—with this fortune and a position to keep up. Why, 
even these two months he has been away everything 
seems changed. 

Mrs. Dan. Of course, and there will be another 
change soon—Peggy—soon—depend upon it. 

Precey. (Looks at Mrs. DAN questioningly—Mkrs. 
Dan looks archly at Peccy) Oh, I see. (Bravely) 
You mean he'll marry? (Hurriedly) Naturally, I 
hope he’ll find a nice girl. 

Mrs. Dan. So dol. (Pause; she looks at Prcey, 
then with change of tone) May I ask you a question, 
Peggy? 

Peccy. Why, of course. 

Mrs. Dan. Why didn’t you write to him while he 
was away? ; 

Pecey. I did. 

Mrs. Dan. How often? 

Peccy. (Slight laugh) Oiten enough. 

Mrs. Dan. He didn’t think so. 

_ Pecey. (Asking the question with difficulty) What 
—makes you think he didn’t? 

Mrs. Dan. (Smiling) You should have seen the 
letter I had from him. I had to make Dan read the 
beginning over twice before I could believe it was for 
me. It was all Peggy, Peggy, Peggy—criss-crossed, 
underscored and down the sides. Five pages of ques- 
tions about you, with two references to ourselves. First, 
how was Mr. Dan. Second, how was (Enter 
Monty r.—goes to Mrs. Dan.) 


22 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. (c.) Mrs. Dan, Subby is looking for you. 
He has his genius in there and doesn’t seem to know 
what to do with her. May I take youto him? (PEcey 
remains seated.) 

Mrs. Dan. Thank you, no. (Looking from one to 
the other.) The call of genius is enough for me. I 
know where to find him. (E-its Rr.) 


(PEccy rises when Mrs. Dan indicates she is going to 
leave them alone. She and Monty exchange looks 
and she starts to run across to exit R—as she 
passes above Monty, c., he catches her.) 


Monty. Just a moment, please. I want about five 
years’ conversation with you, Miss (Indicates set- 
tee R.) You come here and sit down. You're getting 
a big girl now. You mustn’t run around the house 
like that. (He seats her in R. corner of settee.) 

Prccy. Five years’ conversation with you? (Rises 
immediately.) But you must look over the house first. 
You haven’t half seen it, I’m sure. 

Monty. (Reseats her gently) Oh, the house can 
wait. Tell me, how’s Mother—well? 

Peccy. Of course she is. 

Monty. (Looks Peccy over critically) Gee! You 
look pretty to-night, Peggy. When’d you get the new 
dress ? 

Preccy. (Sitting) It isn’t new. You've seen it 
twenty times. I did my best with it in honor of this 
momentous occasion. How did you like the welcome 
we gave the returning prodigal? 

Monty. (Sits) I felt more like the fatted calf. 
It was fine of the fellows, though, wasn’t it? I’ve heard 
a lot of nonsense lately about not needing friends when 
you have money, but I tell you, when I think of the 
friendship of Nopper and Brag and grouchy old Mack, 
it makes this old million of mine seem mighty small in 
comparison. 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 23 


Peccy. (Speaking very simply) Wm glad that your 
money hasn't changed you, Monty. 

Monty. Changed me? (Looks at her searchingly a 
moment.) You seem to be the changed one. 

Peccy. (Looking at him quickly) How absurd! 
How could your money change me? 

Monty. I don’t know. (With sudden heat) But 
it mustn’t, Peggy; it mustn’t. Why, if I thought this 
blessed million could make a difference—come between 
us, I mean—I’d give it away so quick it would make 
your head swim! 

Peccy. (Very sincerely and eannecne touch his 
hand) It won’t make any difference with me, Monty, 
ever. Think of the splendid opportunity this fortune 
gives you to prove what a man you are! Your grand- 
father’s memory should always mean a great deal to 


ou. 

Monty. Oh, I’m not so very grateful. He couldn’t 
take his money with him. Oh, I appreciate it all, but 
I happen to remember that my mother didn’t have a 
very easy time of it while she lived. (Slight pause.) 
If some of these luxuries could have gone to her, I— 
Oh, what’s the good of talking about it? ( Pause—he 
sits.) Beautiful home, isn’t it? | 

Preey. | Yes, very beautiful. 

Monty. Something wrong with it. 

Precey. What? 

Monty. It isn’t home. You know what, Peggy— 
our home, your home and Mother’s home Now, 
I’m going to keep my room in the little house and every 
once in a while 

Pecey. (Rises suddenly) Monty, you must join 
your friends. You've been away too long now. They 
will notice it. 

SupsBy. (Running on to c.) Sorry to disturb you, 
old man, but we are ready for the singing. (Enter 
RAwLEs Lt.) Aren’t you coming? 


24, BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. All right, Subby—go ahead. We'll be 
there in a moment. 

Sussy. All right, but hurry. (E-zit Rr.) 

Raw tes. (c.) Beg pardon, sir. -But Mr. Grant 
would like to see you for a few moments if possible. 

Monty. (Crosses to RAw Les) Grant? Who’s 
Grant? 

Raw es. (Surprised) ‘The gentleman that called 
so often to see you, sir. 

Monty. Oh, that lawyer chap? 

RAWLEsS. Yes, sif. 

Monty. (Turning to Peccy) Tell him I’m busy. 

RAw Les. I beg your pardon. (Monty turns to 
RAWLES.) You told me to say that you would see him 
if his business could not wait. 

Monty. Did I? (Crosses back again.) Well, I 
apologize to you, Mr. Rawles. But I’ve changed my 
mind. (RAWLES crosses L.) 

Pecey. (Crossing Monty tor.c.) No, Monty, you 
must see him, if you’ve promised. Show Mr. Grant 
in, Rawles. 

RAw es. (Looks at Monty) Yes, Miss. (Exits 
L.) 

Monty. (c.) Peggy, this is ever so much more 
important. I want to tell you something that means 
everything in the world to me. 

Peccy. Oh, Monty, not now. 

Monty. Why, don’t you want to hear it? 

Preccy. How can I tell when I don’t know what you 
are going to say? 

Monty. But you do know. You must know. Why, 
Peggy, every moment since—— 

Preccy. (Crosses x.) I’m going to hear the singing. 

Monty. Well, Peggy, I want to see you for a mo- 
ment. (Crossing R.c.) 

Preccy. (At exit R. stops—turns) Oh, Monty, wait! 

Monty. (R.c.) How long? 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS as 


Preacy. Until he’s gone. (Laughs and exits quick- 
ly.) 

Monty. (R.) But Peggy. 

Raw.es. (Entersu.) Mr. Grant! (E-it.) 

GRANT. (Entering ., crossing c.) Mr. Brewster? 

Monty. (Advancing—shaking hands) Yes, sir. 
Won’t you sit down? (Indicates settee r.—then looks 
off R. again.) 

GRANT. (Sitting R. and taking from his pocket a 
number of documents) I am Mr. Grant, of Grant & 
Ripley, Attorneys. I dislike bothering you with busi- 
ness to-night, exceedingly, but it is necessary to put a 
proposition before you and get your decision out to 
Montana to-morrow morning. 

Monty. (Bringing down chair) Montana—my de- 
cision has a long and rapid journey ahead of it. (Suits 
R.C. 

Hoek James T. Sedgwick died September 23rd in 
Butte, Montana. 

Monty. Died in Butte? I should think he would! 
How does his death concern me? (GRANT looks at 
Monty reprovingly.) 

Grant. He was your uncle, sir, your mother’s 
brother. 

Monty. (Tone and manner changing) My uncle? 
(Trying to recall him.) 1 think I remember—hearing 
something about an uncle when I was a boy. 

GRANT. We have just received a most astonishing 
communication from the executor of your uncle’s will 
—Mr. Swearengen Jones. 

Monty. Who? 

GRANT. Swearengen Jones. 

Monty. What does Swear Again say? 

Grant. You, Mr. Brewster, are your uncle’s sole 
heir! 

Monty. (Looking quickly at Grant) I? 

Grant. You! 

Monty. Much money? 


nei BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Grant. Seven millions. 

Monty. (Sits motionless, grasping the seat of his 
chair, and stares at GRANT—after a pause he swallows, 
speaks as if to himself, as if he had not grasped the 
meaning of the words) Seven millions? .. . Seven 
mil——-__ (Gets up suddenly and goes to bell. ys What 
will you have? 

Grant. Thank you, I don’t drink. 

Monty. Will you have a cigar? (Coming back, 
with sudden doubt) It was—did you say—-s—s—seven 
millions ? 

GRANT. It is nearly that amount. Yes 

Monty. It’s my mistake—my mistake. I just 
thought, perhaps, 1 might have misunderstood you. 
(Seated r.c.) My relatives seem to be dying just to 
make me money mad. 

GRANT. It may be like that. 

Monty. (Looking quickly at him i), What ? 

GRANT. There is a proviso. 

Monty. A proviso? (Sighs.) Now I’m going to 
wake up. 

GRANT. Before you can get this money you must 
spend every dollar of the fortune you now possess. 

Monty. (After a moment's pause) That’s easy! 

Grant. Iam not so certain. 

Monty. Why? 

Grant. (Holding up copy of will) There are re- 
strictions embraced herein. 

Monty. Oh! (Sits watching Grant intently, not 
im an easy attitude, but erect and alert.) 

GRANT. (Opening will and looking through it dur- 
ing speech) I will give you a brief outline of the will 
and if you decide to accept the conditions, we can go 
over it fully to-morrow in my office. (Puts on glasses 
and clears throat.) Your uncle bequeaths and devises 
all his property, real and personal, to you... (Pause 
and looks at Monty and continues) On September 
23rd next, which is the twenty-sixth anniversary of 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 27 


your birthday, you are to meet Swearengen Jones at any 
place you may name in the City of New York, at twelve 
o’clock noon. Said Jones will then turn over to you 
all interests mentioned in the inventory which accom- 
panies this will. If, to his full satisfaction, you have 
faithfully complied with the following supreme con- 
ditions: That you come into your twenty-sixth birth- 
day with a fair name and your habits temperate, that 
you have proved to the executor your ability to manage 
your affairs shrewdly and wisely, that you take no per- 
son or persons into your confidence regarding this will 
or its conditions, and that upon the date named you have 
completely and entirely dissipated your fortune and 
have kept an accurate and correct account of all your 
expenditures, and meet the executor absolutely pennt- 
less, with no worldly possessions other than the clothes 
which cover you, with no article of jewelry, furniture 
or finance which you may call your own or thereafter 
reclaim; in a word, with no visible or invisible asset. 
(Arranges papers—-Bus. Monty.) Well, what do you 
think of it? 

Monty. (Replaces chair upR.) I think it’s a joke— 
who wrote it? | 

Grant. (Rises) You will find it is no joke. (Hand- 
ing Monty a document, goes to c.) That statement 
enumerates your uncle’s holdings, and their value. You 
will find there’s not a bad penny in all those millions. 
(Monty crosses c.) 

Monty. (Looking over list) Has the will been pro- 
bated? 

GRANT. No. 

Monty. Why not? 

Grant. Your uncle requested that the will should 
not be probated or made public for one year. Oh—— 
(Sits. Bus. papers.) Here is a telegram from Jones 
with positive restrictions noted. (Hands Monty tele- 
gram.) 

Monty. (Reading) “Heir must under no circum- 


23 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


stances take anyone into his confidence. Here are the 
rules I want him to work by: No indiscriminate giving 
away of funds. Don’t be stingy, though. I hate a 
stingy man. No more than ordinary dissipations, but I 
hate a saint. No excessive donations to charity, let 
him spend his money freely but get his money’s worth. 
Above everything else, no matrimonial entanglements. 
Damn sure this would disturb confidence and wife might 
prove invisible asset.” Um! (Thinks a moment, puts 
his hands in his pockets, walks slowly from table in 
thought, then comes back quickly, faces Grant.) lil 
accept, I must carry out these ridiculous conditions to 
the full satisfaction of Jones? 

GRANT. Yes. 

Monty. And if by September 23rd next I’ve spent 
all this money and Jones doesn’t happen to be full of 
satisfaction... (Looks at Grant. Puts telegram in 
pocket.) Just where would I—get off? 

GRANT. Get off? 

Monty. Yes—alight—arrive—be—come in? No 
article of jewelry—furniture or finance, visible or in- 
visible wife—er—asset. I’d be in a cute little position 
now, wouldn’t I? (Crosses c.) 

Grant. (Rises) You must be the judge of whether 
you wish to try for this money or not. 

Monty. (c.) I’m glad to hear that. 

GRANT. Swearengen Jones is himself a very rich 
man and we know him to be fair and honorable. He 
was your uncle’s closest friend and his desire is to 
carry out his wishes to the letter. 

Monty. (Turns) Why all this secrecy? 

GRANT. Probably because your uncle did not want 
your friends to either help or hinder you. 

Monty. (Crossing to him—giving paper back) Well 
please tell Swearengen Jones that I’ll hold onto what 
I have. (Crosses t. Stops t.c., turns.) Was Uncle 
James always crazy or did it come on him late in life? 


£1 2hvd aaF <SNOITHW SYWaLSMaUG,, 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 29 


Grant, There is no doubt, I think, as to your uncle’s 
sanity. 

Monty. (Crosses down c.) Then why was he so 
- keen on having me spend all my grandfather’s money? 
_ Grant. Because he hated your grandfather above 

everything in life. 

Monty. (Looking squarely and keenly at GRANT) 
Why? 

Grant. Your father married against the wishes of 
his parents, and for that reason your grandfather dis- 
inherited him and turned him into the streets. Your 
grandfather blamed your mother, and even after the 
. death of your father, allowed you and your mother to 
want for the necessities of life; and you, young as you. 
were, may not remember that he practically allowed | 
your mother to die of—starvation. , 

Monty. (Stares straighi in front of him, then looks 
_at GRANT again) Do you know this to be true? 

Grant. I do! I also know that shortly before her 
death, your mother induced your uncle, then only a 
poor young man, to leave the city, fearing he would kill 
your erandfather if he remained. 

Monty. And before my uncle died, he knew that 
my grandfather had left me his money? 

Grant. Evidently. 

Monty. And it was his idea that what my mother 
wasn’t fit for isn’t fit for me? 

Grant. Exactly. ; 

Monty. (Crosses Rr.) Is it possible to obtain any 
proof—you are prepared to give me proof, that my 
grandi—that this man treated my mother as you say he 
did? 

Grant. Iam prepared to show you positive proof: 

Monty. (Takes a couple of steps up R—turns, 
takes GRANT'S hand) Mr. Grant, I'll take on that con- 
tract. (Monty with a change of manner which he sus- 
tains te the end of the act, speaking more quickly. end 


30 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


with nervous energy, takes envelope and pencil from 
his pocket and figures rapidly during the following.) 

Grant. (Collecting his papers and rising) Very 
good! I fear you will find your task somewhat difh- 
cult. You will have to spend something like three 
thousand dollars a day. 

Monty. (Still figuring on an envelope) Yes, but 
for every three thousand I spend I get twenty thou- 
sand in return. I wilfreally be making about seventeen 
thousand——_ Gee! my head is going round already. 

GRANT. (Crossing L.) Good night, Mr. Brewster. 
Allow me to wish you luck. 

Monty. Thank you. 

Grant. I hope you'll win. (Goes up L.c.) 

Monty. (p.c.) Yes, [’ll be going some! 

Grant. At what time will you be at my office to- 
morrow ? 

Monty. (Turns) Six-thirty. 

Grant. (Smiles) J think nine will do. Good night! 
(Bru 1) 

Monty. Good night! Oh, Mr.—Mr. (Runs 
off u.L.—talks off L.) When you write to Jones, ask 
him not to think of any new conditions. I think now 
it’s about time for that drink. (Touches bell t.) 
Spend three thousand dollars a day! (c., figuring, 
again on envelope.) No, more than that! Interest 
coming in all the time! (Enter RawLEs R.) 

Raw tes. Did you ring, sir? 

Monty. Yes—bring me... three thousand dollars 
a day—give me five percent. Oh, give me a Scotch and 
soda! (Figures again rapidly.) | 

Raw es. Yes, sit. (Exit Rr.) 

Monty. Five percent . . .onemillion . . . no, 
four... I can’t get it down to that. Four per cent— 
(Still figuring.) 

Peccy. (Entering R., stands inside the conservatory 
archway) Has he gone? 

Monty. (Looking up, preoccupied—goes on to him- 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 31 


self, still looking at envelope, c.) How the deuce 
did he make it three thousand a day? 

Peccy. (R.c.) Who? 

Monty. I must have a bookkeeper. I can see 
that now. 

Peccy. (A step c.) What! 

Monty. Grant can beat me at figures. (Studies 
envelope closely.) 

Peccy. What are you talking about, Monty? 

Monty. (Suddenly realizing mistake ) I wonder 
if he included Sundays? 

Preecy. Am I intruding? 

Monty. (Paying attention for the first time) 
Why, of course 

Preccy. Oh, excuse me (Crosses R.) 

Monty. (Sees her) Oh, I beg your pardon, 
Peggy—I beg your pardon! (Crosses R.) 

Prccy. I am sorry to interrupt you, Monty, but 
you asked me to come back. 

Monty. Huh? Asked you—? Oh, yes. (Turns 
around, puts pencil and envelope in pocket, crosses - 
to her.) Listen, Peggy—I want to tell you some- 
thing that means everything in the world to me. 
Ever since I’ve been away I’ve been thinking about 
this, and to-night, when I saw you, I made up my 
mind to ask you—Peggy dear, I want you to be 
my (Stops.) “No matrimonial entanglements.” 
(Crosses c.) The fact is, Peggy, I’m going into 
business and I’ve got to begin right away. 

Preccy. (Crosses R.c.) What sort of business? 

Monty. It’s a peculiar kind of business. I can’t 
explain it exactly. I don’t think anybody ever tried 
it before. 

Peccy. (To him) Isn’t this all rather sudden? 

Monty. Sudden! It’s the suddenest thing you 
ever heard of. You see, there’s a referee and a pro- 
viso and an uncle and a Jones and a man named 
Butte and——— Oh, gee! what am I talking about? 


32 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Preccy. I-don’t know what you're talking about, 
but I wish you luck from the bottom of my heart. 
(Crosses and gives him her hand.) 

Monty. (flaking her hand, x.c.) Thank you, 
Peggy. You're a dear. 


(ALL applaud off stage. Enter Suppy RK. with 
Miss Trixie CLrayton, Mack and Bracpon, 
followed by Mrs. Dan and Nopprer. General 
buzz of conversation.) 


Supspy. I knew you could do it. (t.c.) Oh, 
Monty, I want you to know Miss Clayton, and she’s 
going to be a star some day, sure. (c. Monty 
bows absiractedly.) 

Trixie. (Laughing) Wm afraid that’s a long way 
off, Mr. Brewster. 

Monty. Oh, I hope not. (Crosses rR.) 

Trixiz. I’m only in the chorus now. (To others) 
But Mr. Smith is doing all he can to make me a 
principal. i 

Mack. (To Monty, in low tone) Say, Monty, 
don’t pay any attention to Subby. 

Monty. What’s the matter? 

Mack. Why, aren’t you on? 

Monty. No. 

Mack. He’s trying to get you to star that Miss 
Clayton in his opera. Now, you know what hap- 
pened to Tommy Burt when he tried to make a star 
of that Milly Milton? 

Monty. No. 

Mack. Why, he lost sixty thousand dollars be- 
fore he woke up, and he’s paying bills yet. 

Monty. On the level? (Crossing to Miss Ciay- 
Ton L.) May I see you a moment before you go? 
I won’t detain you a moment. Boys—Nopper, Brag, 
Maek—oome here. (Crosses B.) I have a great 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 33 


scheme. I’m going into business and I want you all 
to come with me. 


(Exit Mrs. Dan and Precey. Trixie and Suppy 
up stage L. to put on wraps.) 


Boys. When? Where? (Eic.) What kind of 
business is it, Monty? When does it happen? 
(ic) 


(RAWLEs enters R. with drink; siands back of settee.) 


Monty. I can’t explain it just now, but it will 
need the services of all you fellows. Now, let me 
think. Nopper, | want you to be my general super- 
intendent of affairs. Brag, private secretary ; Mack, 
financial secretary. (Takes drink.) I need a law- 
yer. Van, you’re the counsel. 

VANDERPOOL. Isn’t this room a little warm? 
(Takes drink from him—returns tt to RAWLES, who 
extis R.) 

Monty. No, on the level, Van, I’m in earnest. 


(Enter COLONEL, JANICE and BARBARA R.) 


Aut. But Monty, what do you mean? What’s 
the matter with you? (£ic.) 

Monty. I haven’t time to talk about it now. All 
in favor say, “Aye.” The “Ayes” have it. I'll see 
you at twelve o’clock to-morrow. 


(The boys exit R., talking in pantomime.) 


CoLoNnEL. (c). Monty, we must say good-night! 

Monty. (c.) Thank you! I mean much ob- 
liged—er—that is—must you go? (Crosses cD.) 

Janice. (t.) Yes, I must. I have another chap- 
ter to finish in my book. 


34 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. Have you written a book? (Crosses to 
LC 

Fie. Yes, “The Higher Demonstration of 
Platonism.” 

Monty. Really! Your first effort? 

JANicE. It isw’t an effort. I believe all I write. 

Monty. Ah! But do your readers? 

Janice. I don’t know. I haven’t a publisher yet 
and probably never shall have. Platonism is a dead 
issue with the common herd. 

Monty. I see. (Turning to BarsBara.) She 
means they won’t buy her book. (Turning suddenly 
to Miss Armstronc.) I'll publish your book. 

Janice. You, Mr. Brewster? 

Monty. Yes. Will you be good enough to let me 
see you about it to-morrow? I want to talk to you. 
Thank you so much. 

CoLonEL. Will you do us the honor to dine with 
us to-morrow evening? 

Monty. Thank you—yes—lI shall be delighted. 
Certainly! Oh, no—I forgot—IT’m giving a dinner 
to-morrow. I have to give dinners every night for 
a year. I mean I want you and Miss Drew to dine 
with me, if you will, Colonel, and you, too, Miss 
Armstrong. TIl send my machine for you. 

CoLoNnEL. But Monty, I didn’t know you had a 
car. 

Monty. (t.c.) I haven’t—I’m going to buy 
some. 

COLONEL. Some? 

BARBARA. Some? 

Janice. Why—some? 

Monty. Well, you see, I want to ride every day. 
(Crosses R.c. COLONEL, BARBARA and JANICE cross 
ut.) Oh, Colonel, just a moment! (BARBARA and 
JANICE exit L.) ! 

CoLtoneL. Yes? (Stops t.c.) 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 35 


Monty. Are there offices vacant in the Manhat- 
tan Bank Building? 

CoLoneEL. I don’t know—why? 

Monty. I want to engage them. I’m going into 
business and I shall (Seeing TRIXIE with 
SuBBY.) Excuse me, please. Miss Clayton, won’t 
you sit down, please? 

Trixie. Thank you. (Sits on settee rR. Bus. 
SuBBY. ) 

Monty. Run away, Subby. (CoLonEL and 
SuBBY exit L. Stiting beside her) Miss Clayton, 
I’m going to make a star actress of you. 

LRIXTE: Star? Me! 


(Mack, Noprer and VAN enter R. with coats, etc., 
and stand about R. and R.c.—c.) 


Monty. Just a minute, please! I think you have 
the most wonderful voice [’ve ever heard 
(Slight business for Trixtz. Monty continues 
rapidly. PrEccy and Mrs. DAN enter L. with wraps. 
Nopper joins Peccy c.) And Subby Smith tells me 
he has a great comic opera with a wonderful part in 
it for you. Now all you need is preparation. The 
first thing for us to do is to engage a bunch of sing- 
ing teachers, dancing masters and stage managers. 
Then I must buy you some gowns and jewels and 
brooches and pins—you must have lots of carriages 
and automobiles. Well, my friend Mr. Gardner 
will act as your manager, and arrange a bank account 
for you. Thank you so much for waiting. I'll tell 
you all about it to-morrow. (Rises, offers hand.) 


(Pecey overhears part of this fromtu.c. Mrs. Dan 
from tL.) 


Trixik. (Rising, taking both Monty's hands) 


36 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Mr. Brewster, you’ve made me the happiest girl in 
the world! 

Monty. Yes, isn’t that nice of me? (There isa 
pause and look between TRIXIE and PEraGy, as 
TRIXIE crosses up L.c. SusBsy and the COLONEL en- 
ter L. and talk to Trixie. Turning to Mrs. Dan) 
Oh, Mrs. Dan, I’m giving a dinner to-morrow night, 
and of course I want you and Dan to come; and next 
week I’m giving some more dinners and a fancy 
dress ball. In fact, ’'m doing a lot of things, and 
I want to consult you. Thank you so much. (Turns 
u.c.) Oh, Nopper (Sees Peccy. Leaves Mrs. 
Dan. Mrs. DAN goes up L. Seeing Peccy c. with © 
wraps—stops.) Why, Peggy, you’re not going? 

Peccy. (Crossing Lt.) Yes—good night! (Exits 


Li) 
Monty. (Steps t.) Well, mayn’t I take you 
home ? | 
Mrs. Dan. (Intervenes) Peggy’s going home 
with me, Monty. (E-iis t.) 
Monty. (Pause) Weill, 1 know! But—— 
Noprer. Well, good-night, Monty: 
Monty. Good-night, Nopper, old man! (Looks 
after PEccy, who is going off'L. with Mrs. Dan.) 
Bracpon. Many happy returns of the day, old 
chap! 
ALL. Good-night—good-night, Monty. (Ad hb.) 


(The boys all exit L., saying good-night and shaking 
hands with Monty tL. as they exit.) 


Monty. Good-night! Good-night! (Bus.) Oh, 
boys! | 

Boys. (Off stage) Yes? What? (Etc.) 

Monty. Remember, twelve o’clock sharp. 

Aut. (Off u.) All right, we'll be there. Good- 
night! (£tc.) 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS Bz 


Monty. Good-night! Good-night! (Goes to 
chair v., sits.) “No indiscriminate giving away of 
funds. Don’t be stingy, though. I hate a stingy 
man.” (Reading telegram. Enter RAWLEs.) 

RAWLES. (L.c.) Beg pardon, sir. Is there any- 
thing else I can do to-night? | 

Monty. No, thank you. (RAWLEs crosses R.c.) 
Oh, Rawles! 

RAWLEs. Yes, sir. _ 

Monty. How long have you been with me? 

RAw.Les. (R.c.) Two days, sir. 

Monty. (Crosses to him) Two days! You’ve 
been a very good and faithful servant. Ill double 
your wages. And Rawles 

RAWLES. Yes, sir. 

Monty. Get me a taxi. 

Rawtes. Are you going out to-night, sir? 

Monty. (Seated on ottoman, c.) No, I have an 
engagement at nine-thirty in the morning. Tell 
the chauffeur to wait. 

Raw _es. Yes, sir. (Exit RAWLES R.) 


CURTAIN 


_ First Picture—Monty on ottoman, figuring. 
Catt: Full company. 


ACT «it 


ScENE: Represents the interior of the office of 
Monty Brewster, the Bank of Manhattan | 
Island Building; door u.t.c. Office doors in R. 
in 2 and 3. Doors half glass. On door down 
RI, “Secretary's Office’ ts written, and “Coun- 
sel.’ On door R.2, “Private Secretary’ and 
“Financial Secretary.” A large library desk with 
swivel chair back of it c. Auxiliary desk down 
L. Small chair in front of desk. Armehairs 
down L. Small table with telephone by entrance 
door vu.L.c. Large safe u.c. Hatrack v.R.c. 
Ticker down R.1E. Telephone on desk c. Of-. 
fice very handsomely furnished. Typewriter 
on desk c.L. side. Arch up R.c., showing Cash- 
wer’s window up L., bleaked across corner. Of- 
fice building backing. 

One telephone, two blotter pads, three type- 
writers, four or five ash-trays, and inkstand with 
penholder, etc.,im gilt. Stx check books. 

Stage full up white foots, first border and 
side lights. White strips all entrances. Amber 
mediums through window up L. | 


At Rise: Ticker. ’Phone bell rings, “Ding-ding! 
Din——g!’ 


First Boy. (Lifts up recewer) Ah—shut up! 

SECOND Boy. (Enters R.1) Where is Mr. Har- 
rison? 

First Boy. Lunch. 

SECOND Boy. Allison & Co. want him to call them 
up as soon as he comes in. 

First Boy. Ali—tl—right. 

38 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 39 


(Harrison enters up L.c. Coat and hat.) 


First Boy. (Speaks as Harrison is halfway to 
ticker—sitting up tmmediately and putting novel 
away) Allison and Co. want you to call them up as 
soon as you come in. 

Harrison. (Starts) Get them. (Goes quickly 
to the ticker.) 

First Boy. (Speaking into telephone on desk u.c. 
—switchboard supposed to be outside) Get Allison 
& Co. 

Harrison. (At ticker—ticker stops on “phone 
bell. Looking along tape, takes a quick, sharp breath 
—takes off coat and hat, hands them to boy who has 
followed him down—takes them into “Supt.” of- 
fice. "Phone bell rings. Harrison goes to desk c. 
and uses “phone) Hello! Allison & Co.? Is that 
you, Allison? (Looks to see if there 1s anyone in 


powers. Vins is Harrison, 3. Yes auc es 

I’ve seen the quotation. Well, I won’t protect it any 
further. If it goes down to fifty-eight I’m wiped 
Subwet/ 02 Hope so, toa,',2).,.. Good-bye (He 


hangs up *phone.) 


(First Boy enters r.1, crosses to his desk. Mac- 
CLoup enters from Financial Secretary's office, 
bills and checks in his hand. Starts for Supt. 
office. Sees HARRISON.) 


Mac. (Goes to him) I thought you were out. 
Will you sign these checks? (Hands check to Har- 
RISON, who is staring front R.c. and does not heed 
Mac for a moment. Suddenly turning, looks at 
Mac, takes checks absenitly, looks over them, takes up 
pen, signs them during the following. He sits L. of 
Monty’s desk r.c.) Nopper, are you in love? 

Harrison, (t.c.) What put that into your head? 

Mac. When a man goes mooning about as you 


40 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


have for the last week and doesn’t half hear what’s 
said to him, it’s a mighty good sign that he has 
lovely woman on the brain. 

Harrison. (Short laugh) It isn’t love. I wish 
it were, (Ticker.) I was thinking—that’s all. (Up 
to ticker. Mac looks after him.) 

Mac. (Crossing ut.) The last thing any of Monty 
Brewster’s staff wants to do is to think. Look at 
that check for Tiffany. Twenty-seven thousand dol- 
lars for favors for this confounded ball! I tell you, 
Nopper, it’s sickening! 


(Bracpon enters quickly from Private Secretary s 
office, with a copy of “The Trumpet’ m Ins 
hand. He comes slowly, speaking as he comes.) 


BRAGDON. Say, have you fellows seen the Cen- 
‘sor’s slap at Monty in this week’s Trumpet? (Ticker 
stops.) 

Mac. (L.c.) Ido many foolish things, but I don’t 
read “The Trumpet’! 

Bracpon. (R.c.) You don’t,eh? Well, listen to 
this: (Reads) “Not content with having staggered 
society with his recent sensational dinner, young 
Monty Brewster has issued invitations to a Viennese 
Ball to take place at Sherry’s on the twentieth. Ever 
since this young man has inherited his millions he 
has been the target of humorists of every club in 
town, because of his lavishness in entertaining, his 
recklessness in business ventures and indiscriminate 
method in getting rid of his newly acquired wealth. 
It is thought that young Brewster hopes, by his atti- 
tude of magnificence, to dazzle Miss Barbara Drew, © 
the daughter of the executor of his grandfather’s 
will. There will be little or no surprise if an inter- 
esting announcement is made on the evening of the 
ball. The comments going the rounds concerning 
the spectacular career of Mr. Brewster are causing 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 41 


considerable concern to his real friends, while the 
improvident young man’s methods are proving a 
genuine joy to his grafting associates ** (Looks.) 

Mac. That’s us. 

Bracpon. “A number of whom he has installed 
in lucrative positions in his offices.” Now what do 
you think of that? 

Harrison. (Turning from ticker—r.) I think 
the staff ought to get even with the man who wrote 
it. (Paces up and down R.) 

Mac. (t.c.) I tell you what the staff ought to 
do! Clear out! Every mother’s son of us! 

Harrison. (Bracpon vises) Mac! 

Mac. (t.c.) I mean it. Dll admit that’s a nasty 
article, but it’s only what we should expect. Why 
shouldn’t people think we are bleeding him? He 
doesn’t need us any more than a fish needs a drink, 
and everybody knows it. (Ticker. Nopper to 
ticker.) 

BRAGDON. (R.C.) Now don’t get your Scotch up, 
Mac. Monty does need us instead of a lot of strang- 
ers who would only think of his money and what 
they could get out of it. We must all keep on try- 
ing to hold him back. (Looks at Harrison.) 

Mac. That would be all very well, only it don’t 
do a damn bit of good. (Ticker stops. SECOND 
Boy enters up L.c., telegram to Frrst Boy at desk 
and exits R.2.) He'll be broke before the year is 
out. Then who'll want to engage any of us? No 
one will ever have any confidence in us or respect 
for us. 

Boy. (Enters rR. from door R.2) You're wanted 
on the ’phone, Mr. Bragdon. (BRracGpon exits up 
R.2. ) 

Mac (u.c.) What is it? 

Harrison. (Cc., reads telegram) “Stick to your 
knitting and don’t ask questions. Jones.” 

Mac. Another of those things from the King ef 


42 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Mysteries. Monty sends him a telegram about once 
an hour. (First Boy enters R.2, crosses to desk, 
Sts!) 

Harrison. (Crossing R.c., places telegram on 
Monty’s desk in front of typewriter) Id like to 
find out who he is. 

Mac. I asked Monty the other day. 

HARRISON. (R.C., turns) What did he say? 

Mac. He said, “Jones is like war—he’s hell.” 
(HARRISON crosses to ticker.) 

SEcoND Boy. (Enters R.2, crosses to Mac L.c.— 
gives Mac paper) Listed account of ball expendi- 
tures to date, sir. (Exits R.) 

Mac. (To Harrison—looking at list) The ex- 
penses of this ball will make Monty’s grandfather 
turn over in his grave. 

Bracpon. (Enters hurriedly unth hat and coat— 
to First Boy) Get Mr. Brewster’s house on the 
‘phone. (First Boy bus. ’phone.) 

Mac. (t.c.) What’s up? 

Bracpon. (L£xcitedly) The Tenderloin Bante is 
up. (TICKER Stops.) 

Mac. What? 

Bracpon. (Up c.) High as a kite. ‘Closed its 
doors—just heard it over the phone. 

Mac. Whew! (Harrison clutches tape and 
breaks it—holds piece in each hand.) 

Bracpon. (To Harrison) How much did Monty 
have there? 

Harrison. (Looking front x.) Over a hundred 
thousand. 

Bracpon. (Up c.) I’m going over to the bank 
now. If Monty comes in, don’t say anything about 
it until I get back. 

Mac. (L.) You needn’t worry about Monty. 
Nothing like a paltry hundred thousand would bother 
him, the way he’s going it now. 

_.Bracpon. (At door up w.c.) Well, there’s no 


Mh A 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 43 


good speaking of it until I find out how bad it is. 
If he’s at the house, though, get him down here, will 
you? 

Harrison. I'll phone the house. ~ 

Bracpon. All right. Tl go just as quickly as 
possible and be back in no time. (E-zit L.c.) 

Harrison. Over a hundred thousand dollars! 
It’s getting worse every day! (‘Phone rings, Har- 
RISON answers it.) Hello! Who's this? Why? 
Oh, Rawles, is Mr. Brewster there? (Pause.) And 
you don’t know where he went? Well, if he comes 
in, ask him to come down to the office right away. 
That’s all. Good-bye. (Puts up receiver. Enter 
SECOND Boy from R.1. Goes to HARRISON C., hands 
him paper.) 

SEconD Boy. The statement, sir, Mr. Brewster 
wanted to January Ist. (Exit R.1.) 

Harrison. (Takes paper, c.) I hate to look at 
it. (Looks.) 

Mac. You needn’t look at me. 

Harrison. Two hundred and forty thousand dol- 
lars spent in three months. (Hands.Mac the state- 
ment.) 

Mac. (c., taking siatement) This is criminal. 
(Running his eye down the list, pointing to items on 
statement and showing them to Harrison.) Notice 
what this Clayton woman is costing him? 

Harrison. About seventy thousand dollars. It’s 
appalling. (Crosses to R.) 

Mac. (c.) It’s one thing to take a chance on 
Subby’s opera, but spending all this money on her is 
another. (Begin pacing up and down.) He said he 
was buying all that bunch of jewelry and gowns for 
the production; but the apartment he’s rented and 
the turn-outs he’s engaged can’t be for the produc- 
tion. And now Brag says he’s going to rent a house 
for her and furnish it on the instalment plan. If 
you can beat that! It looks like the one rotten thing 


44 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS | 


in all his extravagance. (NOoppPeER paces up and down 
Rr. during this.) 

Harrison. (Sits r.c.) I can’t think he’s mixed 
up in that sort of game. 

Mac. (L.) Nopper, when he comes I’m going to 
tell him that one of his staff has had enough. (Sits 
L. at desk.) 


(Doorbell rings off stage u...c. “D g, Ding, 
Ding.’ First Boy rises, crosses to R. side of 
door. Tutrp Boy opens door and marches on 
stage about ten feet with Seconp Boy. They 
take a siep to the side and right and left face 
respectively. FourtH Boy follows and takes 
position opposite First Boy. Monty enters and 
comes down to THIRD and SECOND Boys. THIRD 
Boy takes paper and stick to SEcoND Boy—hat 
and gloves—hands them to First Boy and takes 
overcoat. Overcoat, hat and stick are placed 
on hall tree up c. and left there. FourtH Boy 
takes cigar from his mouth as Turrp Boy hands 
him his paper. SEconp, Tuirp and FourtH 
Boys exit L. Frrst Boy sits at desk. Monty | 
crosses to his chair c.) 


Monty. (Brighily) Hello, boys! 

Harrison and Mac. (Regarding him joylessly) 
Hello. 

Monty. (Looks from one to the other, notes their 
serious faces) What are you fellows laughing at? — 
(Looks at Mac, whose expression is blank.) Boy! 
(First Boy crosses to him.) | 

First Boy. Yes, sir. 

Monty. (Takes roll of bills from his pocket, peels 
off a yellow one) Go up to Thorley’s, get a couple 
of dozen orchids, put them in Mr, McCloud’s room. 
They may cheer him up a bit. (Takes up letiers 
from desk. During the following scene he is | PHSY 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 45 


opening and reading his mail, tearing up some letters 
and throwing them into waste-basket, laying aside 
others for answering.) 

First Boy. Yes, sir. (Starts up.) 

Monty. Andboy... } 

First Boy. (Stops and turns) . Yes, sir! 

Monty. Bring me a receipt. 

First Boy. Yes, sir. 

Monty. And boy... 

First Boy. Yes, sir. 

Monty. Go in a taxi. 

First Boy. Yes, sir. (Exit up L.c.) 

Monty. Receipts for last night’s expenses. Din- 
ner, theatre and supper. (Places memos in front of 
desk. He has memo book t.2. Takes papers in his 
pockets.) Oh—tips and incidentals, one hundred and 
sixteen dollars and fifty cents. (Writes amount on 
pad on desk, rips off sheet, places tt with other 
papers.) Put that on the miscellaneous account. 
(Mac crosses, gets papers and returns.) Have you 
seen the Trumpet? 

Mac. (Sourly) Yes, we've seen it! (Crossing 
Lt. SECOND Boy enters up L.c. and sits at desk.) 

Monty. (Sits, fishing “Chronicle’ out of his 
pocket) They say this thing in the Chronicle is a 
typographical error, but I’m not so sure about it. 
(Reads) “Magnificent ball to be given to Miss Drew 
by her fiance, Montgomery Brewster.” If I could 
find out who wrote that article I’d be willing to ac- 
cept a present of five thousand dollars. (Harrison 
rises, crosses R.and up L. Monty opens mail.) 

Harrison. (R.) There ought to be something 
coming to that gentleman who wrote the Trumpet 
article. 

Monty. It came to him, Nopper, at nine-thirty 
this morning. 

Mac. (t.) What happened? 

Harrison. (R.c.) You licked him? 


46 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. Go and look him over. 
Mac. (Rises, crosses u.c.) You shouldn’t have 
done it. A man with all your money can’t afford 


those luxuries. He’ll sue you for assault and bat- . 


tery, sure. 

Monty. (Face lighting up) By Jove, I never 
thought of that! (Suddenly) I wonder where the 
Chronicle man is? (Rises, takes a step up as tf to 
go and look for him. Bracpon dashes in, slamming 
door L.c. from u.L.c. Ticker.) 

Bracpon. (Out of breath) Have you heard 
about the Tenderloin Bank? 

Monty Of course I’ve heard about it. I’ve been 
in it. Anything the matter with it? 

Bracpon. (Angrily) It has failed—that’s all— 
wiped out! (Shakes hands. Monty looks at him 
quickly, radiantly, Softening) It’s mighty tough, 
Monty. You had a hundred and thirty thousand on 
deposit there. (Ticker stops.) 

Monty. (Shaking hands with him. All stare at 
him. With entire change of tone and manner, goes 
to desk, figuring quickly on pad) ‘Three thousand a 
day! Forty-five days! Boys, if this turns out right, 
we can take a vacation. 

Bracpon. (Crossing down to him u.c.) It can’t 
turn out all right. I’ve been over and got the facts. 
I tell you the money’s gone. And they say the Ten- 
derloin is only the first to go. There’s talk all over 
the place about the bank downstairs. 

Monty. (Change of manner) Not the Manhat- 
tan Island? 

Bracpon. Yes, the Manhattan Island! 

Hargison. (R.) You've got twice as much there 
as you had in the Tenderloin. 

Bracpon. I'll draw out your balance as quick as 
Nopper can sign a check and I can get downstairs. 
(Harrison and Bracpon start off as tf to get check 
R.I,) 


= 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 47 


Monty. (Realizing the possibilities of gam by 
another failure) Stop! Let the money stay there! 

Aut. What? 

Monty. I'll show you what kind of sport I] am! 

Bracpon. Monty, don’t joke about this. There 
isn’t time. Of course, we’re sorry for Colonel Drew, 
AO 

Monty. (Rises quickly) That’s it! Colonel 
Edward Drew is my friend. The father of the beau- 
tiful girl they say I’m going to marry. Do you think 
I'd desert him in his hour of need? Never! A 
thousand times never! Call Monty Brewster a fool, 
a dolt, a spendthrift, what you will, but it shall never 
be said of him that he deserted a friend in the hour 
Orueed | (Sits c.) 

Harrison. Monty, you are either crazy or the 
biggest-hearted man in the world. (Mac sits tL.) 

Monty. I'll give you a third guess some day. 


(Phone bell rings. Harrison exits R.1.) 


Bracpon. (Answers) Hello!—yYes, he’s here. 
Who is it? Stone? Oh, he’s too busy to talk to 
you just now. 

Monty. Is that the real estate man? 

Bracpon. (Inio “phone) Wait a minute. (To 
Monty) Yes. | 

Monty. Oh, I want to talk to him. (Takes 
phone.) 

Bracpon. But Monty. 

Monty. (Junto phone) Hello, Stone—this is 
Brewster. Found a house for Miss Clayton? (Bus. 
Mac.) Oh—well (Into ‘phone) How much? 
No, no—I want a house—not a hen coop, What? 
Don’t care if it’s fifty thousand dollars—— (Mac 
rises, crosses ..c.) Miss Clayton will play in New 
York a long time. She’s going to entertain. . 
(Mac and Bracpon, who have listened in disgust, 


4$ BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


suddenly turn, dash to thew respective offices and 
slam the doors. Monty looks up, smiles, shakes his 
head, then into ’phone) Well, now you're talking— 
No, no—only until the end of September. I’ve no 
time to look at it. Send over and get a check. Good- 
bye. (Hangs up receiver—takes out notebook.) 
Bravo! Tenderloin! Credit—bank failure, one hun- 
dred and thirty thousand. That’s the biggest stroke 
yet. (He phones.) Send Miss Boynton here! (He 
picks up telegram on table.) Hello—Jones. “Stick 
to your knitting and don’t ask questions.” 


(Miss BoynTon enters L.2. Monty has formed the 
letters he has opened into three separate piles 
upon the desk.) 


Miss Boynton. (rR.c.) Good morning, Mr. 
Brewster. I want to thank you for your beautiful 
treat last evening. (Sits t.c. Has stenographer’s 
notebook and pencil.) 

Monty. Was it my treat last night? What did I 
do? 

Miss Boynton. Have you forgotten sending me 
the tickets for the show and the flowers and candy? 

Monty. (Taking out notebook) Fourteen fifty. 
I wonder (Writes.) What did I do with those 
receipts? (Looks throug.) pockets. Dictating) Tele- 
gram to S. Jones, Butte, Montana. “Don’t ask ques- 
tions! Who else can I ask questions of ? You say 
you hate a stingy man—don’t be stingy with ad- 
vice—”’ No, make it, “with your advice’ ... ex- 
tra word. “I’ve chartered a yacht for a cruise 
around the world. Will wire you itinerary of trip.” 
No, we can lengthen that a bit... . (Thinks for 
a moment.) Say, “I myself will send to you the 
various addresses where I may or shall be found just 
as soon as it is possible for me to discover the vari- 
eus addresses where I shall be found. Banks are 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 49 


failing all around me. I am leading at the quarter 
by one hundred thousand, but I have got some run- 
ning to do yet.” Postscript. “How do you pro- 
nounce your Christian name?’ Reply collect. 


(Enter Mac suddenly from his office R.2. He has 
three months’ statement and the ball expense list 
and his written resignation to Monty, and slams 
them down in front of him on desk, one at a 
time as he says the following—) 


Mac. There’s the statement to January Ist, show- 
ing that nearly one third of your fortune is wiped 
out. (Slam.) There’s the expense list of the ball 
to date. (Slam.) And there’s my resignation. (He 
knocks off typewriter from desk.) 

Monty. (Starts at the last, looks quickly to 
Mac, then quietly) Gently, Sunshine! You'll hurt 
-your hand. (To Boy) Boy, take that typewriter 
out and have it fixed. 


(SEconpD Boy is reading novel at desk up L.c. Rises, 
confused, and starts across to take Miss Boyn- 
TON out. As he gets to her r. Monty aitracts 
his attention and indicates the machine on floor 
L.c. He gets up and goes to door.) 


Boy. (Up t.c. at door) Where shall I take it? 

Monty. Tiffany’s. (Movement of disgust from 
Mac. Monty dictates to Miss Boynton)  Tele- 
gram. “Sunshine MacCloud, Esq., Manhattan Isl- 
and Building, City. My dear Sunshine—” (To 
Mac) They nabbed me this morning, Sunshine. 
(To Miss Boynton) “Replying to your favor just 
received, tendering your resignation, to take place on 
the first of the month CPO MAG) Oc¥ ase Sim 
Van and I wanted to see the new car move a bit and 
they pinched us. 


50 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Mac. (Interested in the dictation) Why did you . 
let them catch you? 

Monty. I thought of the fine. 

Mac. What? 

Monty. (Assumed dignity) 1 don’t want to evade 
the law. If I ought to be fined, I want to be fined, 
and get a receipt. (Movement of disgust from 
Mac.) Where were we? 

Miss Boynton. (Looking at dictation book) 
“—_the first of the month 

Monty, “I have noted carefully your reasons for 
wishing to retire, to wit—’ (Referring to Mac’s 
letter) “Crazy, irrepressible, unresponsible, irre- 
sponsible—idiotical, impossible, etc., etc.” 

Mac. And so you are. 

Monty. “If, however, you will delay your retire- 
ment, I shall appreciate it greatly. I therefore beg 
that you retain your position until the end of Sep- 
tember—not jump the traces now and show your 
long ears. Always your friend. . .” 


(Mac jumps up from chair, crosses 2.2.) 


Mac. You’ve shown your long ears aay 
(Exits into his office, slanuming door R.2.) 

Monty. (Quietly picking up letter, dictadiien) 
Telegram. “Enoch Hood, Ksq., Banoaebemeiee it 
n-o-c-k! 16 Queens Street, Long Island City, Bor- 
ough of Queens Telephone No. 2020 Main. Alsa 
offices in Peoria, Kansas City and Chicago. Cable 
address, Spelldon. Dear Sir: I note that you have 
an invention which will make mea fortune. I would 
suggest that you invent something that will make a 
fortune for yourself—one fortune is all I care to 
handle at present. Yours truly ”  (NopPER 
HARRISON enters, crosses to ticker. To HaArRIson) 
Hello, Nopper, what.are you hugging that ticker for? 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 51 


Harrison. (Forced laugh) The stocks aren't 
going to suit me. (Ticker stops.) 

Monty. Have you looked up Lumber and Fuel? 

Harrison. (Eercitedly—a step down R.c.) It’s 
the last stock on earth you want to buy, Monty. 
Lumber is ten points too high. Think of the situa- 
tion—all the lumbermen overstocked and a building 
strike threatened. There must be a slump. 

Monty. (Listening enthusiastically) Think so? 

Harrison. I’m sure of it. (Crosses back to 
ticker.) 

Monty. Thanks. (Into ’phone) Get Allison & 
Co. (Harrison goes to ticker—watches quotation 
which is being ticked off—his face suddenly shows 
despair as he exits quietly.) 

Harrison. Wiped out! (Exit r.1.) 

(TICKER Stops.) 

Monty. (Rises—hands two piles of letter to Miss 
Boynton—Miss Boynton rises also) Say, No, 
thank you to these and Yes, please, to those. 

Miss Boynton. Yes, sir. (Goes up R.2.) 

Monty. Send them by Western Union. 

Miss Boynton. (Stops and turns) Excuse me, 
Mr. Brewster. I’m only a poor girl, but I’ve got 
some pride, and I’d like to know why you send all 
my letters by telegraph? (Phone.) 

Monty. They’re clearer that way. (In ’phone) 
Hello, Allison—what? Oh, well, tell Mr. Allison 
Mr. Brewster wants to speak to him, will you, please? 
Thank you. 

Miss Boynton. (Half crying) I ain’t appreci- 
ated here. My work was never criticized before and 
I could have married the last man I worked for! 

Monty. Yes—what was the matter with him? 
I beg your pardon. Telephone Tyson, like a good 
girl, and get a box for the Fourteenth Street Theatre 
to-night. 

Miss Boynton. (All smiles) Oh, thank you so 


AULT SO.8 


52 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


much, Mr. Brewster. (Going, stops at door, turns.) 
The Fourteenth Street, did you say? 

Monty. Yes-—Chauncey Olcott’s there. You'll 
like that. (Miss Boynton exits. Into “phone) 
Hello, is that you, Allison? Yes, this is Brewster. 
Yes, how are you? Say, I want to buy ten thou- 
sand shares of Lumber and Fuel—no, ten point mar- 
gin. Yes, send over and get a check. I know, 
everybody says it’s a bad time to buy, that’s the rea- 
son I want it. (Smiles.) I don’t know anything 
about the races. Got a tip? Nabob? First race? 
Cinch, eh? Just a minute. (Picks up “Chronicle” 
from desk and looks at entries.) How about Polite? 
Same race. Outclassed? No chance at all? Well, 
can you get me a thousand on him? No, straight to 
win. What? All right, when Nabob wins. (VAN 
enters L.c.) I'll apologize. Good-bye. 

Van. (Enters up t.c., stands by door) Do you 
allow ladies in here, Chief ? 

Monty. (Rises, crosses to him to shake hands) 
Hello, Van. What are you doing down here? 

Van. (L.) I work here. 

Monty. Of course youdo. (Crosses c.) Who's | 
with you? , 

Van. Old chap Armstrong. 

Monty. Look here, my boy, you’d better give 
her up. 

Van. (Crosses L.c.) Perhaps you'll explain how 
I can give up something I haven’t got? 

Monty. She doesn’t care anything for you. You 
interfere with her platonic ideas. 

Van. (Crossing L.) Now, you give your Uncle 
Dudley a little time. I'll show you what her platonic 
ideas are worth. 

Monty. All right—but don’t keep her waiting out 
there all day. (Starts up stage.) 

VAN. Barbara Drew is with us... 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 53 


Monty. (Stops) Miss Drew? Has she seen her 
father? : 

Van. Not since she’s been with us. Why? 

Monty. Some trouble downstairs in the bank. 
Sh! (Monty rises and goes quickly up. SECOND 
Boy opens door L.c. BarBara and JANICE ARM- 
STRONG enter. Boy exits same door.) 

BARBARA. (Shakes hands with Monty c. and 
crosses R.) How do you do? 

Monty. Delightfully surprised. 

Miss ArmstTrRoNG. (Following BARBARA) How 
do you. do, Mr. Brewster? 

Monty. Getting gray—working overtime. 

BARBARA. I hope we're not intruding. We only 
peeped in for a moment. 

Monty. No, indeed. Won’t you sit down? (In- 
dicates chair R. of his desk.) Miss Armstrong. (He 
places chair .c.) 

Miss ARMSTRONG. (L.) Don’t worry about me, 
dear fellow. I believe in a woman’s taking care of 
herself. I’ve devoted two chapters to that in my 
book. | 

Monty. (t.c.) By the way, we shall have the 
proofs of that book in to-morrow. 

Miss ARMSTRONG. Oh, really? 

BarBARA. (R.) Your book, Janice? 

Miss Armstronc. Yes, my book. The book 
which I hope will eventually bury the hatchet be- 
tween the sexes. 

Monty. It’s going to be great! You should see 
the design I’ve had done for the cover. 

Van. (xL.) What about the story? 

Miss ARMSTRONG. (L.) It isn’t a story. It’s a 
book on the flaming question of (Monty 
crosses L.C.) Platonism and its friendly message to 
mankind. (Thev go up L.) 

BarBara. (Sits x.c.) I have just had a struggle 
with my pride. 


Bq BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. (Sits on corner of desk DR.c.) Indeed 
—why? 

BarBaRA. After the way you have persistently 
kept away from us, it needed courage to seek you 
out. 

Monty. You're joking. A 

BarBaRA, I assure you I’m not. Papa and I have 
made every effort to induce you to dine with us, and 
we should have been flattered had you condescended 
to drop in for tea. 

Monty. Well, I’ve been so frightfully busy I 
haven’t been anywhere. I didn’t think you would 
ever want to see me again. 

BARBARA. Why, pray? 

Monty. (Picks up “Trumpet’) Have you seen 
the Trumpet? 

BARBARA. (Looking down denice and Rabe dt: 
coyly) Yes, I’ve read it. 

Monty. Well, that’s why. It has worried me, I 
can tell you. 

BarBarA. (Glancing at him questioningly) Tm 
sorry. 

Monty. I’m dreadfully cut up about it. 

BARBARA. (Resentfully) It’s too bad that you 
are so annoyed. 

Monty. (Not noticing tone) To have you hu- 
miliated this way, through me, 

BarBara. (Sweetly again) Don’t think about it 
anymore, please, Mr. Brewster. I don’t feel a bit 
humiliated. (Pauses—then laughs.) An awfully 
funny thing happened in connection with the story. 

Monty. Really—what was it? 

BarBaRA. (Looks at him roguishly, smiles and 
turns away) Ah, I daren’t tell you. 

Monty. Do, please. 

BARBARA. It’s too absurd. 

Monty. (Coaxingly) You must tell me. 

BarBARA, Papa read it and 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 55 


Monty. Yes? 

BarBaRA. He thought it was true. (Laughs 
heartily.) He thinks we’re engaged. 

Monty. (Joining in the laugh) I should think 
it was absurd ! (BARBARA stops laughing suddenly.) 
Well, I bet that chap won’t write about us again in a 
hurry. Coupling our names—ridiculous! (Crosses 
R. to ticker.) 

BARBARA. (Rising, crosses L.) Mustn’t we be go- 
ing, Janice? 

Van. (Suddenly remembering, vu...) By Jove, 
so we must. (Starts for door.) 

Monty. (Crossing u.c. BARBARA and JANICE 
L.c.) What’s your hurry, Van? 

VAN. (Meets him c.) Now, this is my party, 
Monty, and you can’t run it. We have—a most 
important appointment at Maillard’s. 


(OFFICE Boy opens door u.r.c. Mrs. DAN enters.) 


Mrs. Dan. (u.R.c.) Well! I seem to have 
dropped in on a reception day. (Gives Monty her 
hand. Nods to others.) 

Monty. Hello, Mrs. Dan. Welcome. What in 
the world are you doing down-town ? 

Mrs. Dan. Wonderful to relate, Dan brought me 
down. He has some business in the bank down- 
stairs. (Monty and Van exchange rapid glances.) 
Archie, are you initiating the girls into the mysteries 
of Monty’s business ? 

Van. I don’t understand it well enough for that 
myself. 

Miss ARMSTRONG. Wer ve only been looking over 
the plant. (Goes up stage.) 

BARBARA. It is most comfortable to labor in, isn’t 
it? (Goes up.) 

Mrs. Dan. (As Van, Miss ARMSTRONG and 


56 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


BARBARA go to door u.L.c.) I hope I’m not driving 
you away. (BARBARA iurns.) 

Van. (u.L.c.) No, we were just leaving. So 
much business going on here we are dazed. Come 
on, ladies, we'll leave these schemers to talk over the 
ball. (He opens door. JANIcE and BARBARA pass 
out, then Van, exchanging “Good-byes’ with Monty 
and Mrs. DAN.) 

Monty. Oh, Van, get the car down to the side 
entrance, will you? Excuse me, Mrs. Dan. (Exits — 
u.L.c., talking to Van ad lib. Mrs. DAN picks up 
“Trumpet” from desk. BRAGDON enters R.I.) — 

BraGpon. Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Dan? What 
luck? 

Mrs. Dan. (R.c.) Dve just come from Peggy’s. 
I told her that we all felt that he would listen to 
her and how anxious you boys were to have her talk 
to him and try to make him understand how his 
behavior is being criticized. 

Bracpon. Has she consented to come? 

Mrs. Dan. Peggy’s a dear. You can think how 
she dreads it, but she’s coming this afternoon. 

Bracpon. Splendid—bully for Peggy! 


(Enter Monty L.c.) 


Monty. Oh, Brag—excuse me, Mrs. Dan. 

Mrs. Dan. (R.c.) Certainly. (Reads. Brac- 
DON crosses to Monty.) 

Monty. I want you to go downstairs to the bank 
and ask Col. Drew if there is anything I can do for 
him. 

Bracpon. Now, Monty—— 

Monty. Brag, please 

Bracpon. Oh, all right (Crosses to door 
L.c.) Good afternoon, Mrs. Dan. (Exits L.c.) 

Mrs. Dan. Good afternoon. (Monty offers her 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 57 


his chair.) Monty, what brought Barbara Drew 
down here? 

Monty. (L. of c., goes to Mrs. DAN) Van had 
the girls out driving and they just dropped in for a 
moment. 

Mrs. DAN. (R. of c.) She chose rather a pecu- 
liar time, don’t you think? 

Monty. (Lt. of Mrs. Dan) Why? 

Mrs. Dan. (Holds up “Trumpet,” then lays tt 
on desk as she sits) J saw the Trumpet to-day. 

Monty. Oh! (Crosses L. for chair.) 

Mrs. Dan. Monty, I don’t want you to be fool- 
ish. 

Monty. (Places char wv. of desk t.c.) What are 
you driving at, Mrs. Dan? That article made me 
boil. I thought—but—Miss Drew was very sweet 
about it. (Sits L.c.) 

Mrs. Dan. Of course she was. She doesn’t even 
deny it. She’s evidently quite pleased. 

Monty. (Up and crosses u.L.c.) Oh, you must 
be mistaken, Mrs. Dan. Anyhow, I don’t think of 
it as far as I am concerned. There’s only one girl 
for me and she’s not Barbara Drew. Say, Mrs. 
Dan, why does she refuse to see me? Is it on ac- 
count of these stories about Miss Drew? 

Mrs. DAN. (c.) Why does who refuse to see 
you? 

Monty. (L. of Mrs. Dan) Why, Peggy, of 
course—who else? 

Mrs. DAN. Won't she see you? 

Monty. No, I’ve called talent and she’s never 
at home. 

Mrs. Dan. Peggy wouldn’t refuse to see you on 
account of any stories. 

Monty. She wouldn’t, would she? Yes, but she 
does refuse! (Crosses up L.) 

Mrs. Dan. Do you want to see her very much? 


58 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. (Crosses tL.) Very much—more than 
anything in the world. 

Mrs. Dan. Then you will be glad to hear that 
she’s going to call on you this afternoon. | 

Monty. (Comes to her c.) Really? Honestly? 
How do you know? 

Mrs. Dan. She told me so. Peggy is worried 
about what the gossips are saying. Everyone is talk- 
ing about the way you are squandering your money 
and the expense of the ball. We'll work hard to 
make it a success, but when it’s over you must stop. 
(Crosses up R.) © 

Monty. (Crosses L.) Peggy coming this after- 
noon! That’s good news. (Crosses L. and D.L.c.) 
And we won’t let the gossips bother her much long- 
er—that’s the beauty of my new scheme. (L.c.) 

Mrs. Dan. (At ticker R., turns) New scheme? 
(Crosses c.) What is it now? 

Monty. I’m tired of what everybody is saying, 
so we will all get away from it. 

Mrs. Dan. (c.) What do you mean? | 

Monty. (c.) Mrs. Dan, I’ve chartered a yacht 
for a cruise around the world and I’m going to take 
all of our friends. 

Mrs. Dan. Why, Monty Brewster! It’s perfect- 
ea 7) 

Monty. (Crosses c.) Great—isn’t it ? I thought 
you'd like it. I’ve chartered the Flitter—ever hear 
of her? She burns more coal than any yacht in the 
world. 

Mrs. Dan. But Monty—think—such a cruise 
may cost you your entire fortune! 

Monty. (Delighted) Do you think so? By 
Jove, I like to talk to you, Mrs. Dan. 

Mrs. Dan. I know what a yacht can cost and 
you wouldn’t have thought of a better plan—if you 
want to spend all your money. 

Monty. Honestly, I love to talk to you, Mrs. 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 59 


Dan. You never mind the expense. I'll attend to 
that. What I would like to have you do, if you will, 
is to invite the guests and induce Peggy to go. You 
know, Mrs. Dan—I—I—wouldn’t go without Peggy. 
Now you will do this for me, won't you? You 
know you can always make people do whatever you 
want them to. 

Mrs. Dan. A cruise around the world! 

Monty. Yes, just think of us all in London, 
Paris, Naples, the Riviera, the Mediterranean, moon- 
light, starlight, silver seas sailing away with those 
we love, where the gossips can’t reach us. The 
whole world will be ours. (Crosses up L.) 

Mrs. Dan. (Crosses Rr. and back) That’s it. 
The world will be yours. You don’t think you are 
Monty Brewster, but Monte Cristo. (R.c.) 

Monty. No, I don't. 

Mrs. Dan. (Carried away by the thought) It’s 
glorious, Monty. The thought is positively enchant- 
ing. I love it, but 

Monty. (L.c., turns) Mrs. Dan, I’ve crossed 
“but” out of my dictionary. I have to in my busi- 
ness. 

Mrs. Dan. (Looking oddly at him) Just what 
is your business, Monty? 

Monty. Frenzied Finance. (Crosses L. for ciga- 
rette from Mac’s desk and lights it.) 


(SuBpway SmiteH bursts in door U.L.c., rushes down 


ci) 


Sussy. Monty, you’re a nice sort of 
beg pardon. (Sees Mzs. DAN—goes R.c.) 

Mes. Dan. (Very graciously) Why, hello, 
Subby. | 

Suspsy. How do you do, Mrs. Dan? You're look- 
ing bully! (Shakes hands.) 


Oh, I 


60 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Mrs. Dan. (Sits r.c.) I must be reflecting some 
of the enthusiasm of this young spendthrift. 

Monty. How did the show go, Subby? 

Supsy. (R.C., disgustedly) Haven’t you seen the 
Philadelphia papers? 

Monty. Not yet. (L.) 

Mrs. Dan. Was your opera prodiiced last night? 
I knew nothing about it. 

Suspspy. It isn’t strange that you didn’t know 
about it, but we thought our angel might have re- 
membered us. It nearly broke Miss Clayton’s heart 
not to have you there, Monty. 

Monty. I sent her a telegram and everything 
Thorley had in stock. 

Mrs. Dan. Tell us, really—how did it go? 

Suppy. Miss Clayton was great. You've made 
her, Monty. 

Monty. (Smoking, seated ut.) Yes, that’s: all 
right. (Uneasily.) How was the show? | 

Supspy. Gardy thought it was too slow. 

Monty. That’s good. 

Suppy. But I tell you with a little fixing up I 
could make it the biggest hit. 

Monty. (Rises, crossing c. decidedly) Il at- 
tend to the “fixing up.” Heavens, Subby, whoever 
thought you could write an opera? 

Supsy. Well, I like that. 

Mrs. Dan. (Phone bell rings) I’m so glad, 
Subby—my heartiest congratulations. 

Monty. Excuse me. (Into ’*phone) Yes, yes. 
Oh, this you, Allison? Got it, eh? 10834—ten 
thousand? That was right. Good-bye. 

SussBy. Ten thousand what? 

Monty. A little flyer in Lumber and Fuel, Sub. 
(Sits on desk c.) 

Suppy. Lumber and Fuel! You must have 
thought the show was a frost. 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 61 

Mrs. Dan. (Interested) Who gave you the 
tip? | 

Monty. It’s a tip I shouldn’t advise you to fol- 
low, Mrs. Dan. 

Sus. (Going to ticker) 10834—8%4—84%4—no, 
Mrs. Dan, don’t you follow it. It’s 8 now. Better 
sell, Monty. (Monty shows satisfaction as SuBBY 
calls off quotations.) 

Mrs. Dan. Perhaps ’ma hoodoo. Ill go. (She 
rises.) 1 hope it will go up, Monty. 

Monty. (Rising) Don’t say that, Mrs. Dan. 

Mrs. Dan. Well, whichever way you want it to 
-go—I never know. Dan loses when they go up and 
loses again when they come down, and then says 
I’m dull because I can’t understand. 

MONTY. Yes. (Crosses' ©.) 

Supspy. You are certainly becoming a gambler, 
Monty. You'll be playing the races next. 

Monty. (Turns Lt.) Come to think of it, I did 
to-day. 

Mrs. Dan. Really, that’s a game I know some- 
thing about. Which horse did you bet on? (Crosses 
Ec.) 

Monty. (Tries to remember them) Excuse me. 
(Crosses and gets paper.) That horse there—Polite. 

Supspy. Polite, hey? That’s a fine horse to play. 
Do you know what Polite would do if he were lead- 
ing in the stretch? “After you, my dear Alphonse.” 
Polite, indeed! (Bows and crosses to ticker.) 

First Boy. (Enters u..c. with large box of 
flowers from Thorley’s, crosses’ R.) Did you say 
these flowers were for Mr. McCloud, Mr. Brewster? - 

Monty. (Mrs. DAN ts L.c. R.C., arranging 
papers under ’phone) Flowers? Yes, Mr. Mc- 
Cloud’s room. (Boy exits R.2.) 

Sugpsy. Is it Mac’s birthday? 

Monty. Just trying to cheer him up a bit. 

Mac. (Off stage) Take those flowers out of here! 


62 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


(Kicks boy off and throws box lid and orchids after 
him.) 

Boy. (Scrambling and picking up flowers) Mr. 
McCloud don’t want these orchids, sir. 

Monty. Doesn’t he like orchids? Mac’s afraid 
of becoming popular. Don’t mind him. Put them 
in Mr. Bragdon’s office. (Boy exits R.1.) 

Mrs. Dan. (t.c.) If he’s in that frame of mind, 
I'll go before he comes in. (At door.) 

Monty. (Crosses to her, shakes hands) Until 
to-night, then. We can talk over the ball at the 
Opera. 

Susp. (R., crosses U.L.c.) Let me go with you, 
Mrs, Dan. 

Mrs. Dan. Well, come along. Ill take you a 
few blocks. Be careful of Mr. McCloud, Monty. 
Good-bye. 

Monty. (c.) Oh, Mac’s all right. Thank you 
for dropping in. 

Sus. I'll be back soon, Monty. (Mrs. Dan and 
SUBBY exit L.U.E.) 


(Mac enters from Financial Secretary's office.) 


Monty. All right, Sub. See you later. (S¢ts c.) 

Mac. (Crossing to Monty c.) I’ve just received 
your telegram in reply to my resignation. (Puts 
telegram before Monty.) 

Monty. (Takes telegram) Now, Mac, don’t quit 
me before September. I know you fellows think 
I’m crazy, but I’m not—just give mea chance. | 

Mac. (Crosses R.c.) Oh, Til stay until Sep- 
tember if we’re not all in the gutter by then. But 
why do you refuse to withdraw your balance in the 
Manhattan? Brag says they will never last the day 
out. 

Monty. Is that so? 

Mac. (Crosses R.2) Yes, it’s so. 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 63 


Monty. Mac—just a minute. (Writing check.) 
I wish you would go over to the Fifth National 
Bank and get this check cashed and bring me the 
money here. Hurry, like a good fellow. (Mac 
comes back R.c.) | 

Mac. Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars! 
What do you want all this cash for? (As they go 
up R.C.) 

Monty. (Puts his hat on Mac and pushes him 
off R.3, then returns to desk, jubilant) Carfare. 
(Enter Harrison, stands looking at MoNTy a mo- 
ment. Drops hat. and coat on chair and desk R.c, 
and crosses determinedly.) Where are you off to, 
‘ Nopper? 

HARRISON. (R.c.) I’ve got all my papers fixed 
up in there. Mac can take charge of them. 

Monty. (Figuring) What’s the matter? 

Harrison. Monty, I’ve got to quit. 

Monty. (Looking up front) You behave your- 
self. 

Harrison. (Hardly hearing Monty) Monty 
... you... (Looking at Monty squarely for the 
first time and almost wildly.) 

Monty. What’s the matter, old man? (Rises, 
looks at him.) Why, you are white as a ghost. (Puts 
his hands on Harrison’s shoulders.) 

Harrison. The truth is I’ve—I’ve taken some of 
your money, Monty, and I’ve lost it. 

Monty. (Looks quickly at him—then delighted- 
ly) Have you? 

Harrison. I did it with the idea of helping you 
out! Of course it was crazy and criminal, but you’ve 
been losing so rapidly and I thought I saw an easy 
chance to make a hundred thousand for you, but 
there was a slump and I’m wiped out. 

Monty. That’s all right. | 

Harrison. Monty, you’re too decent. 


64 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. (Taking account book from his pockets) 
How much was it? 

Harrison. ‘Thirty-five thousand dollars! 

Monty. (Crosses to desk quickly) ‘Thirty-five 
thousand dollars.” (Enters amount in book.) 

Harrison. It’s horrible, on top of this bank busi- 
ness. I ought never to have come here. Why, I 
haven’t slept for weeks, thinking of the pace you're 
going. It’s been driving me mad! It’s been hell, 
Monty, for us all—Mac, Brag and myself—to be the 
business end of your rank, mad extravagance. To 
see the best fellow on earth going to his ruin against 
every word of our advice. To know that everywhere 
people are sneering at us behind our backs. Calling 
us ‘“Grafters,’ “Hangers-on,” “Parasites,” and now . 
—oh, God, to realize that I’m a thief! (Sits, head 
buried in arms on desk.) 

Monty. (In a loud voice as if to command him 
to stop) Nopper! (He springs up and goes to 
NoppEr’s side r.c.) I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. When 
I asked you fellows to come with me I didn’t realize 
that what I wanted you to do would react on you 
and make you suffer. ... I looked on this as a 
long holiday . . . with business thrown in—and now 
I see how awful it must have been for you, and I’m 
sorry. I’m so sorry, but I’ve got to go on 
(Crosses R.C.) 

Harrison. (Upandt.c.) Why? Why have you 
got to go on? 

Monty. (Turns to c.) Nopper, old man, I’d 
give anything in the world if I could tell you, but I 
can't. 

Harrison. You mustn’t blame yourself for what 
I’ve done, Monty—that was my fault entirely, and 
I’m going to work and square it with you—unless 
you decide to have me arrested. 

Monty. Nopper, don’t talk like that. We’ve been 
pals all of our lives. I understand why you bought 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 65 


the stock. And you were doing me a big favor. 
(Harrison starts to go.) Nopper, you’re not going 
to leave me? 
- Harrison. Don’t ask me to stay. I couldn’t after 
what I’ve done. Can’t you understand? | 

Monty. (Crosses Rr.) What are you going to do? 

Harrison. Go West. I may hit on something in 
the mining country. I know that game a little. 

Monty. (Turns ut.) Tl grub-stake you, Nop- 
per. 

Harrison. No, Monty, your money has caused 
me suffering enough. I’d rather die than handle 
another penny of it. (Monty goes up. Gets coat 
and hat, crosses up c.) Don’t think I’m ungrateful. 
I appreciate the way you're treating me. 

Monty. I understand. (Up R.) 

Harrison. Good-bye. (At door.) 

Monty. (Crosses and takes lis hand—Harrison 
presses his hand, looks at him, then quickly exits 
u.L.c. “Phone rings twice. Monty watches Har- 
RISON off, turns, sighs, crosses D.R.c.' Into ’phone) 
Hello. (Chokes.) Hello—hello—hello—who? Oh, 
hello, Gardy (Sits c.) Why, yes, of course. I 
want to talk to you. How are you, boy? How’d 
show go? Slow? That’s good—what? You think 
it’s a hit. I thought you said it was slow. Oh, of 
course you're in Philadelphia—and buying seats last? 
Oh, fast—well, here you close up. Never mind about 
that—you close up. I'll hire a theatre and bring 
the show to New York. Trixie wants to run in 
Philadelphia? You tell Trixie she’d be arrested. 
(PEccy enters u.L.c. quietly and comes to Monty. 
Starts to put her hands over his eyes. What she 
hears stops her.) Well, say we can’t prolong it— 
Oh, tell Trixie I have a house for her here in New 
York. Say I want her near me, any old thing. 
(Pecey utters a slight exclamation and draws away 
to L. This attracts Monty’s attention. He turns 


66 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


and sees her.) At last! (Hangs up “phone and 
jumps up to her, quickly.) How dare you keep 
away from me all this time? 

Pececy. (L.c., struggling with her tears) I hope 
Tm not interrupting you. 

Monty. (t.c.) Of course you’re not—why? 

Peccy. I was afraid I heard—that is—that you 
were busy. The boy asked me to come right in, 
but. 

atone: Yes, I told him I expected you. You 
come here and sit down. (He leads her to chair L., 
then gets the one from L.c. and sits to her x.) Vve 
got all sorts of things to tell you. You know I al- 
ways did have to tell you everything. 

Peccy. (Sits, trying to speak naturally) Yes— 
you used to—— 

Monty. (Looking up from telegram, sitting) 
Why, what’s the matter, Peggy? 

Peecy.’ I don't know—nothing—I hope 

Monty. Anything gone wrong? 

Preccy. Not that I know of. 

Monty. Things have gone wrong with me to- 
day. 

Peccy. (Who ts hardly able to keep from cry- 
ing) What things? 

Monty, Can’t tell you. 

Preccy. That’s not telling me everything. 

Monty. Don’t ask me. Why do you look like 
that, Peggy? 

Peccy. (With a litile shudder) I—I think it’s 
because you have changed so. 

Monty. Oh, don’t say that, Peggy. Don’t you 
be like the rest. J have business cares now that I 
never dreamed of before. I bega Well, before 
the night of the house-warming 

Preccy. Do you call spending money business? 

Monty. No, that’s too good a name for it. It’s 
hard labor. Think of this beastly ball I’m giving— 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 67 


two weeks of miserable grind—arranging the ex- 
_ penses—and I’d rather be caught at Huyler’s drink- 
ing ice cream soda than giving it. 

Precey. (Looks at him searchingly) Then why 
do you doit? Monty, it’s very hard for me to speak 
of this, but I’ve made up my mind to come down 
here and beg you to give up this extravagance. You 
have meant so much to mother and to me, and we 
want you to be big and grow and amount to some- 
thing in the world, and those things you are doing 
seem so silly and unlike you. People are beginning 
to make fun of you, Monty, and your friends are 
wotried and the papers 

Monty. Peggy—please! 

Peccy. I don’t want to hurt you, but for your 
own sake, for the sake of us who are fond of you; 
if you don’t care for the things you are doing—please 
be—our old Monty again. Try to think 

Monty. Think! Think! (Rises, crosses to c., 
then back to Preccy.) Thinking has become my 
specialty. JI think for eighteen hours a day. It’s 
all very well for the ordinary business man to think. 
He thinks of something to do, does it and that ends 
it. But I have to think of what other people will 
think ; and think what they think I think; and think 
- what they think I think I think; and I could go on— 
but I can stand it.all if only you believe in me, 
Peggy. ‘I’m trying to do the best I can under the 
circumstances—only they are curious circumstances. 
You won't desert me, Peggy, will you? 

Peccy. (Earnesily) No, I shall never desert 
you, Monty. 

Monty. Peggy, you’re an angel. (He sits again.) 
Now listen. JI want you to do me a great big favor 
—will you? (Prcey nods assent.) Get mother to 
agree to this. You see—well, I want to buy the little 
house for her—so I’ll make a deposit in the bank to 
your credit. You still have your account—(THrIrp 


68 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Boy enters r.1 wiih office check book and fountam 
pen, crosses c. downstairs )—with Col. Drew, haven’t 
you? 

Preccy. Yes, | 

Monty. All right. Now I'll send a check down 
to the Colonel. 

Tuirp Boy. Will you sign this check for Miss 
Clayton’s house, Mr. Brewster? (PEGGY rises im- 
stantly. ) | 

Monty. Take it to Mr. Harrison. 

Boy. He’s gone, sir. 

Monty. Gone! Oh, yes—yes, yes. (Rises, 
crosses to ¢., signs check. Boy crosses R.1 and 
exits. Monty turns to Peccy.) You see, Peggy, 
I’ve got all this money. 

Peccy. Monty, don’t. (Crosses to c., pause.) 

Monty. Why, what’s the matter? 

Peccy. We can’t take your money, Monty. 

Monty. Now Peggy 

Peccy. (Desperately, trying to be light) Don't 
worry about us. We are not objects of charity 

Monty. Why, ain’t you ashamed 

Peccy. Don’t try to explain. I think your money 
has spoilt you, Monty. (She suddenly bursts into 
tears and flies from the room. Exits u.L.c.) 

Monty. Well, Peggy! (The door slams. He 
pauses, crosses down c., looks front.) Oh, Mr. 
Jones! Just two minutes with you. Just a pair of 
minutes. (Crosses L.) 

Bracpon. (Enters r.1) Monty, I’m going to beg 
you just once more to get your money out of the 
Manhattan if you can. (Crosses c.) 

Monty. (Crosses to him, desperately) Oh, I 
wish you fellows would mind your own business and 
not be so damned inquisitive. Why will you insist 
upon worrying if I don’t? I know what I’m doing. 
What you fellows need is a little faith. (Crosses L.) 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 69 


Bracpon. What you need is a nurse. I tell you 
they can’t hold out until three o’clock. 

Monty. (Crosses upR.c.) That’s all right—take 
iteasy. (Phone bell rings. Stops, crosses to’ phone 
r.c. In’phone) Well? Yes. Colonel Drew? Yes, 
tell him to come up. (Crosses L.) , 

Bracpon. Monty, if you’ve arranged things down- 
stairs, why couldn’t you have told us? 

Susy. (Dashing in) Say, Monty, where did you 
get that Lumber and Fuel tip, Monty? (Rushes to 
ticker.) My hat’s off! 

Monty. What’s the matter with it? 

Bracpon. (R.c.) You haven’t bought Lumber 
and Fuel? 

Supsy. (Crosses down to BrRacpoN) He’s got 
10,000 shares at 10834. It went down a point at 
first, but look at the jump it’s taken. (BRaGpon 
joins Sus at ticker—Sus looks along tape.) Nine 
and one-half—-nine and three-quarters—ten 

Monty. (L., crosses to ticker) Here, Subby, you 
(Goes to ticker.) Keep your jokes for your 
comic opera, Sub. Do you want me to have a fit? 

Supsy. Ten and one-quarter! Monty, you’re a 
wonder. 

Monty. (Looking of tape) Great Christopher! 
(Dashes to ’phone.) 

Bracpon. Ten and one half! Heavens, see it go 
up! 

Monty. (Into “phone, yelling) Get Allison & 
Co. quick! 


(Enter CoLoNEL Drew in intense excitement, white- 
faced and trembling. Goes quickly to Monty, 
noticing others. Speaks to Monty in low voice, 
grasping his hand and shaking it—Monty too 
anxious for the ’phone bell to comprehend im- 
mediately. ) 


70 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


CoLtoneL. My boy, how can I thank you? 

Monty. Did you buy some, too? 

CotonEL. Bragdon has told me how you refused 
to draw out your balance 

Monty. (Distractedly) Oh, that’s all right. 
(Noticing CoLoNneEt’s terrible excitement and white 
face and with sudden awe of pity. Drew looks 
toward Suppy and Bracpon at ticker.) 

Bracpon. (Gleefully) Eleven! 


Monty. (Turns back upon COLONEL, who is about 


to speak, and grabs *phone again—CoLoNneEL too im- 
tent upon the bank to think of anything else, walks 
excitedly up stage and down again—Monty speaks 
into “phone) Where’s Allison & Co.? I don’t care 
if they are busy! You get Allison & Co. and get 
them quick! (Seeing CoLONEL again.) Excuse me, 


Colonel. Little business. Can I be of any further 


help? 
CoLoNEL. (Clutches Monty by the arms) Brew- 
ster, listen. I must pull this thing through. It 


would kill me to have that bank nigeki at shan’t close! La 


IT came to ask 
Monty. (Phone bell—Monry, who has been lis- 

tening attentively, springs to ‘bhone) Hello, Alhi- 

son? What? Oh, blazes! It’s for you, Colonel. 


(COLONEL takes ‘phone—siands in front of Monty’s 
desk c.) 


Bracpon. Twelve! Monty, twelve! (Monty 
jumps to ticker, then back. Makes movement as if 
to take *phone away from CoLoNnet.) 

CotonEL. Hello. Who? (Slght pause. Then 
he looks front with agomzed expression—sinks into 
chair.) My God! 


Monty. (Taking ‘phone from him and hanging 
up receiver-—sympathetically) What is it, Colonel? 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS ve. 


CoLonEL. (Rises, goes Lt.) Oglethorpe wants to 
draw $250,000. 

Monty. Well, let him have it. That’s just what 
I was going to deposit. 

CoLtoneL. (Brokenly) My boy! (Tries to seize 
Monty's hand as phone bell rings. Monty jumps 
to “phone. The Co.Lonet clutches the air.) 

Monty. (In ’phone) What, busy? You offer 
Central a thousand dollars to get me Allison. 

Boy. (Enters up x.3 with telegram, comes down 
R.c.) Here’s a telegram for you, sir. 

Monty. Go over to Allison & Co. and tell them to 
callmeup. (Rushes him off r.3. Enter Mac.) 

Mac. Here’s your $250,000. I hope it’ll last you 
through the afternoon. 

Monty. (Takes money) I hope not. (Crosses 
to COLONEL D.L.c., hands CoLONEL money.) Here 
you are, Colonel. (Mac stays up c. by desk.) 

Bracpon. (Comes forward a step r.c.) Stop, 
Monty! Colonel Drew, if you allow Monty to de- 
posit that money with your bank on the point of clos- 
ing its doors, I say it’s no better than stealing! 

Monty. (c.) Stop that, Brag! 

Bracpon. But Monty, the bank is tottering. 

Monty. I don’t believe it’s tottering—it’s only 
tittering. (Crosses to COLONEL, gives him money.) 

-CotoneLt. The bank is as solid as a rock if we 
can only gain time. This deposit will save the bank 
and save the $260,000 you now have with us. (Starts 
to go U.L.C.) 

Monty. (Taking money back) Save it 
Well, wait a minute. On second thoughts, Colonel— 
( Crosses c. ) 

CoLonEL. Brewster, I’m telling you the truth. 
You'll not only save your own money, but the money 
of hundreds of poor depositors. Think, my boy— 
think ! 

Monty. (Suddenly realizing that PEccY’s money 


7 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


is in the bank) Peggy! (To Cotonet) Here you 
are, Colonel. (Brac and Mac give up the fight now. 
Monty hands hun money.) 

CoLonEL. God bless you. (E-vits u.L.c.) 

Supsy. Twelve and one-quarter. 

Monty. (Grabbing “phone again) Is anybody 
going to get me Allison & Co.? 

Supsy. Twelve and one-half. 

Monty. Allison & Co.? Say, what the hell has 
struck Lumber and Fuel? I know it’s going up. 
Has it a chance to go down? 

SuBBy. Twelve and three-quarters! 

Monty. You sell, and sell quick! (Enter Van- 
DERPOOL U.L.) 

VANDERPOOL. (Comes down quickly) Say, Monty, 
I fixed it with the judge. You won’t have to pay 
that fine for speeding. 

Monty. (Rushing tot.) 1 wish you’d attend to 
your own business! I don’t want any judge squared. 

Suppy. Great smoke! Monty! What do you 
think? Polite wins at forty to one! (Runs down 
c. with piece of ticker tape.) 

Monty. What! (Jumps to him and grabs tape.) 

Supspy. And he had a thousand on him straight: 
(Bus. congratulations. ) 


CURTAIN 
(Monty reads tape and collapses. The boys shaking 
his hands and slapping him on the back by way 
of congratulations—he is dazed.) 
(Second picture—same.) 


(Third—All boys except Norpper and Monty.) 


(Fourth call—Preccy and Monty.) 


ACH CIT 


ScENE: Represents deck on yacht. Orchestra on 
stage playing “Give My Regards to Broadway.” 
Piano—after rise. Music on stage. 


At RisE: Moonlight. Van sitting B.c., Miss ARM- 
STRONG stands c., mixing cocktail. Tray on 
cabin roof L. with ingredients. “Owner Ashore” 
lantern. Seven bells. 


Van. (On chair x.) You're awfully kind, old 
chap. It’s great to have a pal like you. 

Miss Armstrone. (At cabin roof, dashing shak- 
er) Think so? 

Van. Yes, indeed. (She turns drink into glass 
and offers it to him. He takes it—vises.) Thank 
you. Where’s yours? : 

Miss ArmstronG. You know perfectly well that 
I don’t drink. 

Van. I hoped you would this time. I am going 
to drink to Home. 

Miss ARMSTRONG. Are you getting sentimental 
about your country? 

Van. Sentimental, after all your teaching? I 
should think not. Only, that tune—“Give My Re- 
gards to Broadway” (Miss ARMSTRONG looks 
away.) Guess I’m homesick, old chap. (She looks 
quickly at him.) Platonically! 1 have a great big— 
friendly feeling just now for the U.S.A. and I’m 
going to drink to it with a good old American cock- 
tail. Here’s to New York! The best town in the 
best country in the world! (Offering glass.) Now 


73 


74, BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


won't your (Miss ArmstTronG touches the glass 
with her lips.) E. Pluribus Unum! (Front. Drinks. — 
She looks and shakes her head.) 

Miss ARMSTRONG. You mustn’t get homesick too 
often. Cocktails aren’t good for you—after dinner, 
too. (Takes glass over and puts it down R.c. on 
cabin roof.) 

Van. (Crosses R.) They are good any time when 
you make them. (Goes to her c.) Somehow, old 
chap, everything you do seems all right to me. I 
never had a pal I liked so before. 

Miss Armstronc. (Warningly) Now, Van! 
Remember. None of that. You know I don’t ap- 
prove of anything sentimental. (Turns away.) 

VAN. (c.) You are always saying that we should 
be honest with each other. 

Miss Armstronc. We should be honest. That 
is one of the delights of the platonic belief. 

Van. (Goestoher) Well, there’s something par- 
ticular | want to be honest about with you, Janice. 

Miss Armstronc. (Turns to him) Well, what 
is it? 

Van. Beautiful evening, isn’t it? 

Miss ArMstTRONG. Was that what you wanted to 
be honest about? 

Van. No—lI 

Miss Armstronc. Then what was it? Are you 
afraid to tell me? 

Van. No—I-—— 

Miss ARMSTRONG. Well, then, out with it. 

Van. I’m in love, that’s all. 

Miss Armstronc. Van! (Sharply.) 

Van. Awful, isn’t it? 

Miss Armstronc. It is indeed—I’m disappointed 
in you, Van. (Starts away t,.) 

Van. Please don’t go. (Crosses to her—she 
stops.) You see, I need your advice. Perhaps you 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 75 


can help me to fight down this miserable, weak feel- 
ing. 

Miss Armstrone. (Turns, scornfully) My ad- 
vice will be of very little use in a love affair. 

Van. But you know the girl so well. You see, I 
want to find out if she cares for me—if I could ask 
her to—— 

Miss Armstronc. I don’t want to hear any more. 
I have always known that the two worst things in 
the world for platonism are cocktails and moonlight. 
Good night. (Starts away tL.) 

Van. (Holding her) Just one question, Janice. 
If you'll answer me honestly, I won't say another 
word about it. 

Miss ArRMstTRoNG. You promise? 

VAN. I promise. 

Miss ARMSTRONG. (R.c., looks at him steadily) 
Well? Go on 
“ Van. Do you think, honestly now, that Barbara 
Drew cares. anything about me? 

Miss Armstronc. (Turns in front quickly, with 
sudden emotion which she cannot conceal) Why— 


Van. (Takes her face in his hands suddenly and 
kisses her) You’ve answered me, thanks. (Crosses 
to R.) 

Miss Armstronc. (Horrified) Oh! 

Van. I have thought you loved me for some time 
—now I know it. 

Miss Armstronc. I don’t—l 

VAN. (Turns—posiiwely) Yes, you do 
(Crosses back to her, c.) Let’s be honest now. I 
don’t care about any other girl—but you. But your 
platonic nonsense isn’t going to come between us any 
longer. After we are married and have had a good 
long honeymoon, you can begin your platonism again 
if you want to. (Crosses R.) 

Miss ARMSTRONG. How dared you kiss me? How 


76 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


dare you talk to me about marriage? ‘You have be- 
haved like a beast 

VAN. (R.) You couldn’t go on like that if you 
didn’t love me. 

Miss Armstronc. Love you, indeed! I hate you, 
I hate you! 

VAN. (R., sudden change of manner) You mean 
that? 

Miss Agueriouc (Wiidly) Yes, I mean that. 

Van, All right, then. Good-bye. (Bum melo- 
dramatic manner. He suddenly rips off coat and 
leaps to the rail up L.c.) 

Miss ArmstTrRonNG. (Runs up and holds him, 
screams) What are you doing? Don’t jump. (She 
holds him desperately.) 

Van. (On rail vu.t.c.) Let me go—you don’t 
care forme! (Struggles to get away.) 

Miss Armstronc. (Pleading unth all her might) 
Don’t—Van, don’t—please don’t! Perhaps I do 
care! 

Van. Ah! (Leaves rail. She throws her arms 
around him and kisses him, Gets down quickly and 
takes her in lus arms.) My darling! (Mac and 
BrAGDON enter quickly 1.2.) 

Mac. What the deuce is the matter? 

“Van. I nearly went overboard and Miss Arm- 
strong saved my life. (Miss ARMSTRONG stands 
rigid a moment—then dashes off L.2.) 

Mac. (u.) You’re a nice chap. Why weren’t 
you in the cabin for the meeting? 

Van. (Putting on his coat, t.c.) I had some- 
thing much more important on hand. What did you 
decide upon? (Sits R.c.) 

Brac. (1.c.) [ve drawn up a petition asking 
Monty to sail for home. Every one is to sign it. 
You must present it to Monty before us all. (Cross 
LAG) 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 77 


Van. I don’t want to present your old petition. 
I’d like to have the cruise last the rest of my life. 


(STEWARD enters L.2, switches on deck lights and 
exits L.2, Foots go up one-quarter white.) 


Brac. (t.c.). Then you're: the: only;one, «The 
rest of us want to get home. 

Mac. (t.c.) Get anywhere to stop Monty spend- 
ing any more money on us. 
VAN. He certainly has entertained us up to the 
limit. | 

Mac. (t.) He’s entertained us to death and we’re 
all sick of it. Why, even the sailors are kicking. 
They are tired of being fed on birds and champagne, 
and they want some salt pork and beer. 

Brac. (Taking paper from pocket) You ought 
to see this statement, Van. It’s awful. Less thana 
year since he was left his fortune and it’s half gone! 
Think of his blowing in half a million in ten months. 

Mac. And it’s only by fool luck he has half of it 
left. If he hadn’t broken the bank at Monte Car- 
lo | 


Brac. I tried to congratulate him that night, but 
he wouldn’t have it at all. What do you think he 
said? 

Van. What? 

Brac. “Take warning by me, Brag, and never 
gamble!” 

Mac. There’s only one answer to all this, boys. 

Van. What is it? 

Mac. He’s dippy. And you'll all find it out some 
day. Anyhow, the first thing to do is to get him 
home. What do you suppose we’ve been anchored 
here five days for? (Notse of launch.) 

Brac. That’s what I’d like to know. The Cap- 
tain has tried to get away from this eoast. Says it 


78 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


would be dangerous here if we catch a blow—but 
Monty won't listen. 

Mac. And he hangs around the cable office in 
town all day long. He’s got some scheme on hand, 
sure, that he won’t tell us about. 

VAN. Well, if he has some secret reasons for 
staying here, what’s the good of our petition? 

Mac. If we make it strong enough, he’ll either 
have to tell us or agree to take us home. 

Brac. (Going up and looking off L.) Here's his 
launch. You get the petition, Van, bring the people 
up here, and we'll have it over with. (Comes down 
c.) 

Van. All right. Just as you say. Only I don’t 
feel like wasting—(Rises—crosses and extts L.2. 
Bell—1—2-1.)—time with petitions and rows just 


now. (Exxiis i.) 
(STOP Launch.) 

Mac. (Going up) Why! It’s not Monty! It’s 
a stranger. Hang me if it isn’t the Frenchman 
Monty was with in Monte Carlo. 

Brac. (R.c.) The chap he said was his agent? 

Mac. Yes. (Comes down.) 

Brac. By Jove! He’s the reason we’ve been 
sticking here. Now we'll try to find out what’s up. 
(Starts up v.) 

Mac. Sh! (Crosses t. Brac goes R.) 


(Enter u.L. Monsizeur BarcEe. Comes down c.) 


BARGEE. Ah, gentlemans, you will pardon, but is 
it not that I may see Meester Brewster at once? 

Brac. He’s ashore at present. 

BarcEE. Ashore? Oh, that is too bad! I must 
tell him new important, very important. I order the 
boat who brings me here to return to the land. Per- 
haps I can call eem back! (Starts up stage.) 

Mac. (Goes after him and quickly stopping Bar- 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 70 


GEE) No, don’t do that. Mr. Brewster will be here 
soon now. (Down.) 

BARGEE. Youare sure of this? There is no time 
to lose. 

Mac. (t.c.) If he doesn’t come we'll get you 
ashore. 

BarcEE. (c.) Ah, to you, I am much oblige. 

Mac, That’s all right. 

Brac. (Cross to BARGEE) You are the gentle- 
man Mr. Brewster sent away on business? 

BarGcee. Ah! You know about eem, ch? 

Mac. (Reassuringly) Why, you remember we 
met you in Monte Carlo 

_BarcEeE. In Monte Carlo, oui. , 

Brac. When Mr. Brewster spoke to you about— 

BARGEE. About what? 

Mac. Yes, he spoke to you about—about the 
plan, you know. 

BarcEE. Oui. About the plan. But he tell me it 
was a secret. | 

Brac. A secret. Oh, yes, of course. He doesn’t 
want his guests to know about it. (BarcEE looks 
perplexed.) 

Mac. (Whispering in his ear) Oh, no! He 
wouldn’t want them to know about it, would he? 

BARGEE. Well, he tell me it was secret business. 

Mac. That’s it. Secret business. What’s the 
good of a secret if everybody knows about it? I—or 
we—we ourselves wouldn’t have known about it if 
it wasn’t that—he—(J/ndicating BRacpon)—is Mr. 
Brewster’s private secretary. 

Brac. Yes. I’m his private secretary—and you 
know a man always tells his private secretary every- 
thing. 

BarceEe. Ah, then I can tell you everything. (With 
great pride. BARGEE looks L. and R. Boys do same 
bus.) I have seen the Mayor at Albereese and he 
has consent. 


80 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Mac. (After a glance at Bracpon—boys both 
laugh mirthlessly) Oh, the Mayor has consented, 
has he? 

BarceeE. (To Mac) But should Mistaire Brew- 
ster fail to arrive in Albereese in two days—ees ail 
off. 

Mac. It’s all off. 

BarcEeE. (To Brac) Out. Ees too late. 

(CITY Starts to Light Slowly.) 

Brac. Too late for what? 

BarcEe. Don’t you understand? 

Brac. No, I’m hanged if I do. 

BarcEE. De Birthday of the Saint come on the 
16th de month and to make a public holiday the 
Mayor must make announcement by de tenth or it 
cannot be. 

Brac. (To Mac) Eijther he’s crazy or Monty 1s. 
(Goes R.) 

Mac. They are both crazy. 

BarcEE. (To Mac) Ha! ha! ha!—the Mayor 
he tell me ] am crazy, too. 

Mac. Well, you can’t blame him for that. 

BarcEe. But at last he say, if Mr. Brewster give 
to him by the tenth the two million francs, he wll 
make the holiday, and the carnival can take place. 

Brac. (To Mac) Two million francs! That’s 
about all he’s got left. | 

Mac. I’m going to straighten this out or die. 
Now see here, sir. Mr. Brewster sent you to the 
Mayor of Albereese, didn’t he? 

BArRGEE. That was after I tell him of the Saint, 
you know. 

Mac. (Undecidedly) Yes, 1 know. But why did 
you tell him of the saint? 

Barcee. Eet was this way. Monsieur Brewster 
say to me he would like to give a grand celebration 
to surprise his friends. I tell him of a Saint that is 
buried in Albereese that do not have his birthday 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS SI 


celebrate these one hundred years, the Saint Brew- 
storo. He say, “Brewstoro? Ah, he is my ances- 
tor.” 

Mac. He told you the Saint was his ancestor? 

BarcEE. Oui, Monsieur. Then he say—lI cele- 
brate his birthday and I pay for everything. Now 
the birthday ees come the 16th this month, so Meester 
Brewster he sent me quick to Albereese to tell the 
Mayor if he will make that day a public holiday he 
will pay two million francs to give great carnival in 
honor of his ancestor. 

Mac. He must be damned fond of his ancestor. 

BarGEE. So you see ees important I inform 
Meester Brewster at once—because after two days 
ees too late. 

Mac. Then if Mr. Brewster doesn’t get to Al- 
bereese in two days this carnival can’t take place? 

BarGEE. No, it is quite impossible. 

Mac. Well see that he gets there—not! (Noise 
of launch.) 

Brac. (R.c.) In the meantime, can’t we offer 
you some refreshments? 

BarGcEE. (Cross R.c.) Ah, Monsieur, I have the 
long journey. I don’t eat. I don’t drink. (STEW- 
ARD enters L.) 

Mac. (Cross c.) Oh, you don’t, eh? That’s too 
bad. Perhaps you'd like a smoke. Steward, take 
this gentleman below and see he has everything he 
wishes. 

STEWARD. (L.) Yes, sir. This way, please, sir. 
(Going L., extt L.2.) 

BarcEeE. (To Mack) Thank you very much. 
(Following STEWARD, turning) You will please tell 
Mr. Brewster I am here the moment he come. 

Brac. Yes, we'll tell him. 

BarGcEE. I thank you very much. Au revoir. 
(Exits 1.2.) 

Mac. (After a pause, looks at Bracpon, shakes 


82 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


his head) Can you beat it? Now do you think he’s 
dippy f 

Brac. (Sits on deck top) I don’t know what to 
think. How can we prevent him meeting the French- 
man? 

Mac. We might throw the Frenchman overboard. 
I can’t think of any other way. (R.c. Launch heard. 
Runs up, looks off u.3.) 

Brac. Here’s Monty’s launch now. ( Cr rosses back 
down L.c. CAPTAIN, two sailors cross R. Three to 
L.3. Bell 1—2—1—stop launch.) 

Mac. Now listen— don’t let Monty know we've 
found this out. First show him your statement, and 
if that doesn’t bring him to his senses we'll tell them 
all what’s he’s trying to do and have everyone refuse 
to go with him. 

Brac. He'd probably go without us. 

Mac. Then we must find a way to stop him. 

Brac. How? 

Mac. I don’t know yet. Sh! (Cross R. Brac 
DON crosses to R.C.) 

Monty. (Off stage) Allright, boys. Thank you 
very much—good night. (Enter Monty up Lt.) 
Hello, boys. Has a stranger come on board? a 

Mac. Who? 

Monty. Why, a Frenchman with a face a a 
nose, etc. 

BRAG. (Cross to Monty) Well, here’s some- 
thing very important. (Shows statement.) 

Monty. Nothing could be more important. (He 
crosses up L.C.) 

Brac. Yes, it is. Here’s your statement to Au- — 
gust Ist. 

Monty. (Comes back down. Sailor lowers “Own- 
er's Ashore’ light) Go on. 

Brac. The items are 

Monty. Never mind the items. How much have 
I got leit? That’s what’s worrying me. 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 82 


Brac. (c.) Just about half what your grand- 
father gave you. 

Monty. Great Czsar’s funeral! Five hundred 
thousand and here it is the 1oth of August. 

Mac. Less than a year—since you began your— 
business. 

Monty. Not much less—only a month and a half 
—don’t forget that. (Cross R.) 

Brac. It would have’ been a great deal worse 
than it is now if you hadn’t had that wonderful luck 
at Monte Carlo, (Monty puis his hands on his fore- 
head and winces.) 

Mac. Of course, the two hundred and fifty thou- 
sand dollars you won helps to | 
Monty. (Crosses back toc.) Boys, please—hold 

on. Do me a. favor, will you? Never mention 
Monte Carlo to me again. Ht 

Brac. But think what you won | 
‘Monty. I don’t want to think—I’m a sick man— 
. makes me feel like a common gambler. 

Brac. Monty, don’t you realize that it won't do 
to go on spending money this way? 

Monty. You bet I realize it—I’ve got to find 
some other way. (BRAGDON crosses up L.c. in dis- 
gust.) 

Mac. (Crosses c.) If you keep this up, you'll 
go broke in no time. You haven’t very much left 
now. 

Monty. I haven’t, eh? Haven’t much left? I’ve 
got oceans, that’s all. Just oceans of it (He 
crOSSeS R.) ; 


(Enter u.2 BARGER. Comes c. to Monty.) 


BArGEE. Ah! 
Monty. Ah! (R.) 

_ Barcee. Mr. Brewster, I am so glad again to see 
you 


34 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. Glad to see—well 
Well, what luck? 

BaArGEE. Eet ees all right! 

Monty. Good for you! 

Barcee. The Mayor ees consent—— 

Monty. Hurrah! | 

BArGEE. You must get to Wiberesse in two days 
or it’s too late. 

Monty. Two days—sail at daylight, make it ina 
day. 


(They embrace.) 


(Enter in order named from cabin L., VAN, Mrs. 
Dan, Supsy, Miss Drew and Miss Arm- 
STRONG and PEccy. Mac and BRAGDON come 
down stage—they form a solemn procession. 
VAN has large document.) 


BarGEE. At first the Mayor he do not believe— 

Monty. (Seeing people enter—to BaRGEE) Sh-h! 
(BaRGEE crosses R. To those coming on) Halt! 
Hello, what’s this procession for? 

Van. Monty, your guests have ail decided they 
want this cruise to end. 

Monty. (c.) All right—we’re going to end it. 

Aut. Hurrah—bully for you—home at last! etc. 
(VAN tears up petition.) 

Monty. We're going to end it in a blaze of glory. 

Att. What do you mean? What’s he thought of 
now? We'll never get home! etc. : 

Monty. Just a moment, please. Ladies and gen- 
tlemen, allow me to present my dear friend, Mon- 
sieur Bargee, who has just come to us from the 
Mayor of Alber eese. 

Mac. (Aside) Brag—we’re in for it now. 

Monty... I’ve got a great surprise in store for you 
——I have Italian blood in my veins 

Att. What? What are you talking about? etc. 


UALS MAY,, 
.SNOITIJA §, 
46 abDd 298 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 85 


Monty. Let me finish, please. Have you ever 
heard of Saint Brewstoro? 

Mrs. Dan. Saint who? 

- Monty. Saint Brewstoro—don’t you see—Brew- 
ster—Saint Brewster? Well, Bargee has discovered 
that Saint Brewstoro is my ancestor. Now a great 
carnival is to be given at Abereese on the sixteenth 
in honor of his birthday and we’re to be the guests 
of honor. 

Att. (Come down L.) Oh, come off, Monty! 
Now, what’s this? Behave! (Etc.) 

Monty. I refer you to Monsieur Bargee. 

BARGEE. Weel, ees this way, you see 

Monty. Tut—tut—just yes or no. Are we or 
are we not to be the guests of honor? 

BarcEE. (Bowing and laughing) Ah, oui. 

Monty. Yes, are we? 

BarcEeE. Ah! Oui! 

Monty. That’s what I said—we are. 

BarcEE. Ha!ha!ha! (Laughs.) Weare. 

Monty. Then you see—ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! we 
are! ; 

Att. Oh, but see here! Now, Monty—— Cut 
athe ( htc 

Monty. Now wait until you hear what is to take 
place. Bargee tells me the parade will be the most 
gorgeous pageant seen in years. All the streets will 
be paved with roses. They’re going to have one hun- 
dred and sixty carloads of spaghetti. 

BarGcEE. Confetti 

Monty. Confetti—pardon. For Subby there there 
will be hundreds of beautiful, dark-eyed dancing 
girls. 

Sussy. I’m for that. 

Monty. (PeEccy goes t.c. to rail) I thought you 
would be. For Mac, baseball game in the afternoon, 
prize fight at night. For Miss Armstrong: Ah, 
where is Miss Armstrong? (JANICE steps down.) 


86 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 
\ 


Ah, yes—ifor Miss Armstrong they’re going to have 
a hice, friendly, platonic bull fight. (Mac and Brac- 
DON are whispering im each of the guests’ ears and 
they are exiting very quietly 1.2.) 
BarcEE. If I may explain 
Monty. You can’t explain. You don’t speak Eng- 
lish well enough. Now shall we accept the Mayor’s 
very kind invitation? Sub? Then that’s. settled. 
We sail at daylight. The Royal Opera Co. at Milan 
will give a special performance—in’ Italian—of 
“Uncle Tom’s Cabin” 
Barcee. If I may explain 
Monty. Shut up! Now shall we or shall we not 
(Turns, finds guests gone.) Where have 


all 
they all 

Mac. (1.c.) Monty, your guests are going to 
hold a little meeting in the cabin, 

Monty. All right—what i is it about? 

Mac. Well, this time it’s a little surprise for you. 
(Monty crosses c. To BarcEE) Won’t you come 
below, sir? 

BARGEE. (Cross tov.) Certainly—with pleasure. 

Monty. (c.) I say, Bargee! 

BARGEE, (L.) Oui? 

Monty. (Aside to him) Whatever you do— 
don’t talk. 


(EIGHT Beils.) 

BarGEE. Certainly. (All are off except PrEaey. 
She crosses from vu.D.c. to L.B.) 

Monty. (R.c.) Peggy! 

Pececy, (u2.). Yes? 

Monty. You are not going below just yet, are 
your | 

Peecy. No, I was only going 

Monty. Yes, I know, that’s what you always do 
ever since we’ve been on this cruise. You’ve man- 
aged it so that we are never together. 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 37 


Peccy. We are together now, aren’t we? (Starts 
to exit.) 
_ Monty. (c.) Yes, I know. But you were go- 
ing. 

Preccy. Why, not going—— | 

Monty. Yes, you were. I just saw you move. 
Don’t go for a moment, Peggy. I want to ask youa 
question. Won’t you sit down? 

Preccy. Yes, if you wish. 

Monty. Thank you. (Places chair u.c. She 
sits.) 

Preccy. What is it you want to ask me? 

Monty. I want to know if it’s my squandering of 
money that has made it different with us? 

Peccy. How—made it different? 

Monty. I don’t know. Before this money came 
IT used to think you cared—I—we Peggy, I 
can’t bear to have you avoid me. I know you think 
I’ve been acting like a fool and a crazy man, but you 
see I’ve been up against a game that’s—well, that is, 
I’ve been trying to do something. You see, I have 
to sp——_ It’s a terrible difficult thing to explain 
something that you can’t explain—isn’t it? Well, I 
promise you one thing, as soon as this carnival is 
over, there will be no more squandering of money. 
(Sits on stool on her R.) 

Preccy. Do you mean that there will be nothing 
left to squander? 

Monty. Well—that’s one reason. Peggy, tell me, 
why did you come on this cruise? 

(MUSIC On Stage.) 

Peccy. Because you said. you wouldn’t go unless 
I came. | 

Monty. And you wanted me to go? 

Preccy. Yes 

Monty. On this yacht? (Prccy nods her head.) 
You did, eh? 

Peccy. (Low voice) Yes. 


88 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. Why? 

Peccy. Because I wanted you to get away from 
New York, from certain things. 

Monty. What things? | 

Peccy. Oh, I can’t tell you. Let’s talk of some- 
thing else. 

Monty. All right. Like to talk about the weather 
for a few minutes? Beautiful night, isn’t it? 
Everything peaceful and still. Just as soon as this 
carnival is over we are going home. Do you know, 
Peggy, whenever I say “home” I always think of 
your home and your mother’s home. The happiest 
days of my life were spent there. Do you remem- 
ber the attic? 

Peccy. (Softly) Yes. 

Monty. The cubbyhole and how we used to read 
Oliver Optic together—and play keeping house. 
You were father and I was mother. Remember how 
you used to make tea 

Preecy. And you drank 

Monty. Yes, delicious, wasn’t it—made of hot 
water, milk and sugar. Remember the day I smoked 
old Hendrick’s pipe and you promised not to tell 
mother? Gee, I was sick—but I’d be willing to be 
sick a thousand times, Peggy, if we could only go 
back to that little attic again and be kids for just a 
few hours. (Bus. Rises, crosses up L.c.—then 
back and kneels on her left.) Peggy, do you re- 
member what we used to say we'd be when we grew 
up? 

Preccy. (After a pause) We used to say a great 
many things. 

Monty. But the thing? 

Precy. Was there a the thing? 

Monty. Yes. We used to say that—(Continues 
as if afraid to say 1t)—when we grew up we'd be 
married, 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 89 


Pecey. And then we grew up—and now we see 
things differently. 

Monty. Yes, I know—but I shall never see the 
thing differently. 

Preccy. Don't! | 

Monty. I’ve tried not to tell you, but I can’t 
help ity fegay.1 Tl love youl Idol Edel (He 
Starts to take her in his arms. She rises and crosses 
R., Speaking.) 

Preccy. You must not say that to me—you must 
not. 

Monty. (Rises v.c.) Why, you know you mean 
everything in the world to me. What’s on your mind, 
dear? Why don’t you tell me? Is it something 
about New York? (She starts.) Its. Oh, tell me, 
Peggy, please—please! 

Preccy. I can’t tell you. Why, you have a per- 
fect right to interest yourself in stocks—theatres— 
operas—anything. 

Monty. Operas. Oh—Peggy—why, you can’t 
mean You think I (She nods.) Oh, 
you're terribly mistaken. Why, I only produced that 
opera because—I can’t tell you, but I will soon. Til 
tell you—I’ll tell everybody. (Rr. Crosses.) 

Preccy. (Crosses to him) I hope you can—lI 
hope you will. 

Monty. You mean that you could care for me 
then? 

Preccy. I don’t know. 


(STOP Music.) 
(BARBARA DREw enters L.) 


BarBARA. Miss Gray Oh, I beg your par- 
don. (Crosses up and rR. Monty goes Rr.) 


(First OFFICER enters from R.3.) 


First Orricer. Pardon me, Mr. Brewster. The 


go BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Captain wishes to get under way at once—it looks 
like a bad storm, sir. 

Monty. Sh (To Ladies) Pardon me—— 
(First OFFICER points to chart room R.1. First 
OFFICER opens door. Monty exits. First OFFI- 
cER follows.) 

BARBARA. (Comes down to Peccy) Have you 
heard what is going on below? 

Peccy. No. | 

BarBaRA. It is too awful. The men are going to 
mutiny—— 

Peccy. ‘Mutiny? 

BarBARA. I mean they will try to take the boat 
into their own hands. They think Mr. Brewster is 
insane, 

Peccy. Impossible. (Sits L.c.) 

BarBARA. They have found out from the French- 
man that he intends to pay all the expenses of this 
carnival. Mr. McCloud thinks it will cost all he has 
left of his fortune. Oh, I wish I had never come on 
this horrible cruise. These frightful extravagances 
will reflect on us all. When I think that only a few 
months ago I might have been foolish enough to 
marry him—what a lucky escape! It shows that 
one can never be too careful. 

Preccy. How did the men find out that Mr. Brew- 
ster wanted to marry you? 

BARBARA. Why, they haven’t found out. 

Preccy. Then why do they think he’s insane? 

BarsBaRa. (Furiously) Do you mean ? 

Peccy. (Rises) I mean that Mr. Brewster is our 
host and has entertained us royally. If we criticize 
him behind his back we do far worse than he—we 
insult him 

Barsara. I didn’t know before how much he 
meant to you. 

Peccy. Then I’m glad you’ve found it out—he 
means a great dealto me. (Miss ARMSTRONG enters 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS gi 


pD.2.) Now we'll change the subject if you don’t 
mind. 

Miss Armstronc. Will one of you girls come 
down and play me a game of pinochle? (Exit Miss 
ARMSTRONG and PEGGY L.2.) 

First OFFICER. (Off R.3.) Allready to get under 
way, Sir. 

CapTAIN. Very good. Heave short 

Mac. (Off L.c.) Cap’n—can I have a word with 
you? (Mac and Bracpon enter from L.2, down as 
the ladies exit up L.2. They join VAN and CAPTAIN, 
who have entered.) 

CAPTAIN. Please don’t interrupt me now. We're 
getting under way. 

Mac. We must speak to you. 

CapTAInN. (Comes down a step) No time now, 
sir, We're going to get a gale from the sou’west. I 
can’t be caught on alee shore. (Gives orders.) 

Brac. (L.) It’s important that you hear us now, 
Captain. We'll only detain you a moment. 

CapTaAIn. (Comes down) Well, sir? 

Mac. Captain, we want you to sail for New 
York. 

Captain. New York? When? 

Mac. At once. Can you do it? 

CapTaIn. Certainly I can. Is that what Mr. 
Brewster wants? 

Van. That’s the trouble. 

Brac. We think he’s mentally unbalanced. 

CapraIn. (Looks) Why? 

Van. From things which have happened. 

Mac. We have got to take the matter in our own 
hands. 

Captain. Mr. Brewster’s my chief, sir. 

Mac. And we are his friends. He must be kept 
from going to Abereese. It will ruin him if he gets 
there. | 


92 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Captain. If Mr. Brewster orders me to sail for 
Abereese ] must do it. 

Brac. But I am his private secretary. If I give 
you orders from Mr. Brewster, can’t you carry them 
out? 

CapTaIn. I can unless he countermands them. 

Mac. He won't countermand them; we'll guar- 
antee you that. | 

Captain. Very well. You order me to sail for 
New York? 

Brac. I order you to sail for New York. 

CAPTAIN. Very good. (Crosses up L. Exits 


Lie.) 

Mac. (Bus.) Now it’s up to us to get Monty 
out of the way. He must be kept away from the 
Captain. 

Brac. We'll speak to him—beg him once more. 
If he refuses, we'll lock him up. 

Mac. Ah—here he comes. (Monty enters R.2, 
crosses C.L.) Monty, we want to speak to you. 
(Mac crosses to R.c.) 

Monty. (c.) I’ve got to see the Captain a mo- 
ment. 
Brac. (L.c., with determination) We wish to 

talk with you first, please. 

Monty. (c., looking at him) Why, certainly. 
Only we are getting under way and I want to give 
the Captain sailing orders. | 

Brac. (L.c.) He has his orders, Monty. 

Monty. Who gave them? 

Brac. I did—he is ordered to sail for New York. 

Monty. That’s a bit cheeky, don’t you think, 
Brag? I'll settle it quickly, though. (Starts L.) 

Mac. (Stopping him) Just a moment. (Guests 
enter from up 1.2.) 

Monty. Now see here. Do you fellows think you 
can improve on my plan to go to the carnival? 

Brae. Yes, old man. 


£6 26nd 228 ,SNOITIHJ S,YaLSMAUG,, 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 93 


Mac. We think it will be an improvement to cut 
it out. 

Monty. Oh, do you, eh? 

Van. Listen, Monty—you’ve given us a wonder- 
ful trip. We are all grateful—but now we’ve had 
enough. 

Monty. But it'll only last a week and we'll all 
enjoy it. 

Mrs. Dan. No, Monty, we don’t want to go. 

Monty. Mrs. Dan, I’m very sorry. But it’s too 
late now. We've accepted the invitation. I ask you 
all to go as a favor. 

Brac. And we ask you, as a favor, to give it up. 

Monty. I can’t, Brag. We've got to go. 

Mac. You are not going to crowd your entertain- 
ment down our throats against our will, are you? 

Monty. (Pause) Now seehere. I don’t call this 
playing fair. I’m doing the best I can, under the 
circumstances, but I’ve got a particular reason for 
wanting to attend this carnival—I think you ought 
all to come with me. 

Van. We've found out from your agent that you 
are arranging this carnival yourself. 

Brac. And that you are going to stand all the ex- 
pense. 

Mac. It will ruin you and we don’t propose to 
let you do it. 

Monty. Now look here, Mac; this is my money 
and not yours, and my business and not yours. Now 
drop it, please. 

Mrs. Dan. It is our business, Monty, to the ex- 
tent that we refuse to go with you. 

Monty. (Looking “about at them—at last singles 
out Peacy and keeps his eyes fixed upon her) Is 
that the way you all feel? 

Aut. Yes. (Monty continues to look at PEccy.) 

Peccy. We all want to go home, Monty. 

(FIRST. Thunder—Very Light.) 


04 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. Very well—home it shall be. 

Aut. Good! Bravo! Thank you! etc. 

Monty. The yacht will drop me at Abereese and 
then take you to New York. I’m going to hold that 
carnival if I have to hold it all by myself. Now ex- 
cuse me, please. (They seige him—Monty strug- 
gling for a moment.) Take your hands off me! 
Take your hands off me! 

Pecey. (Starting forward) Oh, don’t! (Mrs. 
Dan detains her. She covers her eyes with her 
hands.) 

Mac. (To Petr) Open that door—break the 
bell wire and get the key. 

Monty. (Quietly) What are you going to do? 

Brac. It’s up to us now, Monty. The Captain 
has orders to sail for New York. We are not going 
to let you countermand them if we can help it. 

Van. It’s for your own sake. 

Monty. (Struggling with all his might) Boys, 
you don’t know what you’re doing. Take your hands 
off me! 

Preccy. Monty, please go—please go for my sake. 

Monty. (Stops struggling) All right. (The 
boys release him. He looks at Peccy and quietly 
exits into chariroom R.2. The door is quickly closed 
and locked by Sailor. Loud crash—storm. Ladies 
all exit L.2, screaming—except Prccy, who goes 
back of mast w.) 

Mac. (Broken voice) Serves him damned weil 
right——-__ (Jingle—whistles blow—sails.) 

Brac. We'll never forget this, boys. (Bell— 
thunder and lighining—zwind blows—storm increases. 
First OFFICER comes down from L.) 

Captain. (Enters L.3 with Steward) Put out. 
deck lights. (STEwarp does so and exits R.1.) On 
deck there! 

STEWARD. (Off) Aye, aye, sir. 

CaPTAIN. Bring to the chains. 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 95 


STEWARD. (Off7 Aye, aye, sir. 

CAPTAIN. Secure all boats for sea. 

STEWARD. (Off) Aye, aye, sir. 

CapTAIN. Get ready the storm sail. You must 
go below. Weare in fora gale. (Cross stage to R. 
and goes up to bridge.) 

Mac. Go ahead, fellows—I’ll guard the room. 

Brac. No use while this storm lasts—you’d be 
blown overboard. 


(Sailor puts up red sidelight. Storm increases. 
They exit R. STEWARD enters R. Storm at its 
height. He locks cabin door. PEacy sees him. 
She rushes to him—speaks in pantomime. 
STEWARD tries to have her go below, then gives 
her bunch of keys and exits rR. She rushes R. 
to door, unlocks it. MOoNTy comes to door in 
shirt sleeves—all in white. Storm subsides a 
little for dialogue. One Sailor swings on stage 
from cabin entrance by rope L.—others enter and 
clear deck. Storm at tts height. Crash.) 


Monty. Peggy! Captain Perry! Captain Perry! 
Pecey. No, Monty 
Captain. (Bridge) Well, sir? 

Monty. We sail for Abereese. 

Preccy. No—no—— 

Monty. For Abereese, Captain, those are my or- 
ders. 

Captain. Abereese it is, sir. (Crash.) 

Peccy. No, Captain, please—no, no, no! 

Monty. I had to give that order. 

Preccy. I understand what you’ve done. They 
were trying to save you, and I released you because 
I couldn’t bear to see you made a prisoner. What 
will you think of me? (Cross L.) 

Monty. Peggy, you don’t understand. 

Precey. I understand what you’ve done. It was 


06 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


shameful of you+-shameful—shameful! (Jingle— 
exits L.2.) 

Monty. You don’t understand. (L.) 

Captain. (Bells) Bertram— Bertram! (In 
speaking tube on bridge. First OFFICER crosses to 
L.) What’s the break—send him up. (Descends 
ladder—sailors run across deck. In tube. J 

‘Monty. What’s the matter? 

Captain. Pardon me, Mr. Brewster, we’ve got a 
break of some kind. (BERTRAM goes aft, followed 
by sailors. CQUARTERMASTER comes back.) 

Saitor. (Running from L.1 to bridge) The rud- 
der is broken, sir. 

CapTaIn. How bad is it? (To First OFFICER, 
who follows from L.1 to R.2 on run.) 

First Orricer. Don’t think we can make repairs 
outside of a dry dock. 

CapTaIn. Bad as that? Take the bridge, Ber- 
tram. JI’ll see for myself. (Exits L.3.) 

Monty. (c.) Bertram, what’s the trouble? 

BERTRAM. (Crosses back R.c.) We've lost our 
rudder, Mr. Brewster. We're helpless. ) 

Monty. Helpless! I’ve got to be in Abereese in 
two days. (Mac and Brac enter 1.2.) 

Bertram. That’s impossible, sir. (Goes on 
bridge R.) 

Monty. (Follows him) But Bertram, I tell you 
I’ve got to be there. Bert (Crash. ) Rudder 
broken—helpless! I’ve lost—I’ve lost! (R.c.) 

Brac. How did you get out? 

Mac. What’s happened? 

Monty. Everything has happened. We’re help- 
less. Now look here, you fellows. You were giv- 
ing orders—go on giving them. Sail for New York, 
or hell, or anywhere—I’m through! 

Voice. (Off stage R.c.) Sail ho! 

First OFFICER. (On bridge) Where away? 
(Ship comes on R.) 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 97 


Lookout on Bripce. On starboard bow. 

Monty. Boys—look, a ship! We can get a tow. 
(To QUARTERMASTER, who enters R.3, followed by 
Sailor.) Oh, Mister, what is the signal of distress? 

QUARTERMASTER. Fire a cannon, sir. — 

Monty. Fire that cannon, Brag. What else? 

QUARTERMASTER. Hoist the N.C. signal of dis- 
tress and turn the searchlight on it. 

Monty. Get those signals. (Sailor gets them 
from chart house. To another Sailor, indicating 
rope at masthead R.) Turn the searchlight on those 
signals. (Sailor salutes and exits to bridge. Gun is 
fired. All scream. Satlor and Monty have tied 
signals, All enter when cannon is fired.) 

CapTaAINn. (Enters, rushing down from L.3) Stop! 
What the devil is that for? 

Monty. There’s a boat over there—we are sig- 
nalling that ship. 

CapTaIn. But that’s a distress signal. 

Monty. Well, we’re in distress, aren’t we? I 
know damned well I am. 

CAPTAIN. We are perfectly safe, sir. I can rig 
a jury rudder and sail her in within a week. 

Monty. A week won’t do. 

CapTAIn. Man alive, don’t hoist that signal! 

Monty. Why? 

Captain. (Desperately) If they come in an- 
swer to that they can claim salvage. 

Monty. What’s that? 

CAPTAIN. Salvage—salvage! The entire value 
of this yacht! Five hundred thousand dollars! 

Monty. What! You mean to say I’ll have to 
pay five hundred thousand dollars? 

Captain. Yes, you'll have to pay. (Monty pulls 
signals up vigorously.) Don’t hoist that signal, for 
God’s sake! (Rushes to Monty.) 

Monty. (Face suddenly lighting up—pushes him 


98 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 
back. Grabs club, hoisting signals rapidly. The sig- 


nal is answered from tramp steamer) Now, now, 
Mr. Jones, come with me. 


CURTAIN 


(PictuRE—All looking up stage at answering flash 
from ship.) 


ra Og MAN AY 


ScENE: Set same as First Act. Ottoman and all 
furniture is covered with burlap covers and 
piled up stage, except settee which seis L. below 
arch, also covered. Several large packing-boxes 
about also. Cards: “Sol. J. Wilson, Auction- 
eer,’ pinned on everything. Kitchen table pr. 
with packing-box before it. It 1s twenty min- 
utes before twelve, noon, on September 23rd, 
one year after the first act, Monty’s twenty- 
sixth birthday. A subdued funereal aimosphere 
permeates. 

Lights full up—white foots. Border side 
lights—amber. Olivette off v. 


Mack. (Cross R.3. Enters unth ledgers, u.3, 
downstairs.) Brag! Brag! 

Brac. (Enters from Rr.) Well, what do you want 
now? 

Mac. (c.) I want to show you about this ledger. 
. Some of them won’t believe Monty’s crazy. Miss 
Gray won’t have it for a minute, but wait until they 
see this. 

Brac. (Crossing to Mac) What’s wrong with 
it? 

Mac. (c.) Wrong! Why, it’s all upside down. 
Look here. He has placed everything he spent to 
his credit. Notice what he has charged himself with: 
“Lumber and Fuel misfortune, $58,550; Monte Carlo 
education, $75,000; Polite, a race-track error, $50,- 
000.” Do you mean to tell me that man’s sane? 

Brac. That’s the book he always kept locked in 
his safe. (Sits on table r.) 


99 


100 -BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Mac. Say, Brag, listen to this item. Credit: 
“Losing my best friend and breaking his heart, $35,- 
O00 3 ; 


Mac. Nopper Harrison! (Cross t.) 

Brac. I’ve always thought Monty knew what 
became of him. 

Mac. Whenever Nopper’s name is mentioned, 
Monty closes up like a clam. (Puts book back with 
others on large box up R. Enter RAWLES L.) 

Rawtes, Mrs. DeMille, Miss Armstrong. (En- 
ter Mrs. DEMILLE and JANICE L. RAWLES exits L.) 

Brac. (R.) How are you, ladies? 


Janice. (Up c.) Hello, boys—what’s up? Is 


Van here? (Mrs. DAN Lc.) 
Mack. (R.) No, he isn’t here. 


Brac. (R8.C., rises as they enter) Thank you so 


much for coming, ladies. 

Mrs. Dan. (bd.c.) We don’t mind coming—but 
what’s happened ? 

Brac. It’s a mournful place to ask you to, but 
Mac and the rest of us thought that now everything 
of Monty’s is gone 

Mrs. Dan. Is there nothing leit? | 

Brac. Absolutely nothing, Mrs. Dan. It’s taken 
the last penny to pay that salvage. Well, we thought 
that with all New York guying him it might help a 
little to show that we still want to be his friends if 
he will let us. | 

Mrs. DAN. (Crosses L., sits on settee) Of course 
we do. 

Mac. (v.R. by arch) He’s acted like an idiot and 
doesn’t deserve any sympathy. 

Brac. (JANICE sits u.c. on ottoman, L.) But it’s 
tough to keep away from him just because he’s down 
and out. (v.c.) 


Janice. Well, Van says we all oem to try and 


help him some way. 


es 


E01 ang 2ag .SNOITIIA S,YaLSMaAU,, 


“BREWSTER’S: MILLIONS TOT 


‘Brae. '((R:c.)! I've thought: of getting up’ a sub- 


‘scription. 


Mac ‘and’ Mrs: Dan. | ‘Subscription? 

Brac. Yes. All of us’ who’were on that yacht 
might contribute a little. 

JANICE. (BRaG. crosses U.c. to JANICE) Van 
says he wouldn’t accept any subscription. 

Mrs. Dan. (Sitting on setiee L.) He ought to. 


“If he paid all that’ salvage because he thought’ our 
lives were in danger, he should allow us to show our 
“pratitude. 


‘BRAG. (R.)' Of course ‘he stiddld. He bine to 


“Jeave ‘this house to-day, and every ‘blessed thing in it 


has been sold, so he will have no place to sleep. 
JANICE. ‘Van says there’s'a way to help him and 
that he might accept. 
“sBrac. | What is it? 
JANicE.° (c.) ‘Well, this’ is his’ birthday. ~And 


‘Van says there is no reason why we shouldn’t make 
him birthday presents. 


Mrs. Dan. Why haven’t we iHought of that ‘be- 
fore? I will see Colonel Drew. He wants’ to do 


“something for‘him.' Monty did him a big favor once. 


Brac. And we'll get him things he can turn) into 


money. 


Mac. (R. on box) Money! Why, if he turns 


‘them into money ‘he’ will have it all spent Y mid- 
‘night. ; 


Mrs. Dan. I think not. ‘He’s hada Hard fd. 


: son. 


Janice. Van says we'd have to be careful not to 


_let him think it is because his money is gone, (On 


“Yan says,’ BRacpon leaves her and joins. Mac 
down R. » The repetition.ts getting on their nerves.) 
Brac. (Up t.c.) Where is Monty now? 
Mac. Upstairs locked! in his, room. He ‘made 
Brag and me promise to wait here, . 


102 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Brac. He didn’t go to bed at all last night. Had 
people carting things away from the house all night 
long. I don’t think he’s had anything to eat for two 
days. (Enter RAWLES L.) 

Rawtes. Mr. Vanderpool. 


(Enter VANDERPOOL L., goes C. JANICE rises.) 


Van. Hello, everybody. I thought I’d find you 
here. (Shakes hands with Janice.) Oh, I saw 
Monty this morning: (All turn to him with ex- 
clamations.) He dashed in—threw me a month’s 
salary and made me give him a receipt for it. (Takes 
salary envelope from pocket.) 

Janice. (c.) Why, dearest! You took money 
from him when you know he hasn’t anything left? 

Van. Couldn’t help it. He had his receipt and 
was gone before I knew what it was all about. 

Mrs. Dan. (Rises, takes envelope from Van) 
Well, you can turn that money over to Janice and 
me. 

Van. What? 

Mrs. Dan. This is his birthday and we’re going 
to make him presents. 

Van. Bully! VIl go with you. (They all move 
4) 

Mac. No, you won’t. You hunt up Colonel 
Drew. Brag can see Subby and Gardner. (Mrs. 
DAN and JANICE exit L.) 

Van. What shall I say tohim? (Cross back c.) 

Brac. Oh, [ll explain that to you. Come on. 
(Brac exits after ladies L.) 

Janice. (Comes back in archway u.) Archie 
dear 

Van. (Turns) Oh, yes, of course. Excuse me. 
(Exits L.) 

Mac. Archie dear. Bah! 

Brac. (At arch u.t.) Good-bye. Mac and I 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS | 103 


will go shopping, too, just as quickly as Monty 
comes downstairs. | 

Mac. (Coming c.) Say, Brag, if we bought that 
fellow a nice comfortable room in Bloomingdale’s, it 
would do more good than birthday presents. 

Brac. I don’t understand it. He acts like a crazy 
man, but somehow I can’t believe it. 

Mac. No. You and Miss Gray won’t believe it 
until he kills somebody, but you just notice him care- 
fully and (Monty is heard on stairs.) 

Brac. (Warningly, pointing L.3) Hush, here 
he comes! (Mac crosses u.R.c. Brac stays L.) 


(Enter Monty with receipts down stairs. Has sign 
marked sold on back of coat. Places bundles 
on table RK.) 


Mac. What have you got there? (Crossing 
down C.) 

Monty. A million dollars’ worth of receipts. 
Here, boys, sign for these salaries, will you? (Takes 
two salary envelopes from pocket, goes C.) 

Brac. Now see here, Monty. We don’t want to 
take these. (Mac goés DR.) 

Monty. (.) Boys, please remember our agree- 
ment. I know I’ve led you fellows a devil of a 
dance, but you can all have your liberty now. Brew- 
ster’s business is at an end. 

Brac. (t.c.) Thank God! 

Monty. Amen. Now you won't refuse to take 
these, will you? Van took his and receipted for it. 

Brac. Yes, but we don’t 

Mac. (Crosses to him) Never mind, Brag. This 
is his birthday. We'll take it, Monty. (Crosses L.) 

Monty. (Handing them salaries) That’s the 
idea, boys. Just sign here. (Indicating receipt. He 
goes up to ottoman c. Sits. BRacpon has fountain 
pen—they sign.) 


104. ‘BREWSTER’S. MILLIONS 


Brag. (After he-has signed) “Are you going’ out, 
Monty ? 

‘Monty. Not until after twelve o icloek, Vidai < can 
‘bet on that. 
Mac.. ‘Here are the books you wanted. ( Brings 
books from box U.R. and places: them on recetpts.) 
Now everything has been turned over to you. (Brac- 
pon iand Mac eross L. quickly.) 

‘Monty. ‘Thanks, what’s your hurry? » 

Brac.  (L.) 0 We have an errand, but we re com- 
ing back again. _ Good-bye. 

Mac. So'long. ..(Bracpon:and. Mac exttaa) oc 

Monty. So long. (Sees cuff-buitons—calling ) 
Qh, ‘Mack, Mack (Mack entersoL. «Monty 
has crossed down R.c.) Mack (Mackicrosses 
to him.). You always admired these'cuff+buttons. | 
want you to have them. (Gives Mack links which 
oherhas taken from his shirt.) 
Mack. (Quietly) That’s all right, | old: man. 
(Extis v.) 

Monty. (At table r: dame alt on rancipte oP Rrbke 
and lonesome. I'd like to find the:man:who says 
ospending money’s easy. Well, maybe’ he 
differently of things soon. » (Enter RAwnEs.L.)*: 
»TRAWLES.) (L.c.)> There’s°aman here wane a. pack 


age. 
Monty. (Going to RAWLES quickly) Don't let 
him in. 
Rawtes. But he ‘says it’s a birthday praseadl & sir. 
Monty.» I:don’t want/a birthday present. \'Have 
you got ‘that gun I gave you this morning? i 
RAWLES. Yes, sir. | 
‘Monty. Ii anybody attempts’ to: buy \you’ with a 
package, you shoot him—-shoot him on sight. A Goes 
ito RAWLES. ) 
RAWLEs. Yes, sir, (RAWULES ‘exits x. ‘Moxy 
goes to ottoman. again. Enter) TRIXIE L.) © 
TRIXIE. (Lo. knew you were here, ‘So I just 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS: 105 


walked right in. (Offers her hand. Shaking hands.) 
I’ve been trying to'see you ever since you arrived. 
Monty. You're different from most people— 
they’re trying to avoid me. Won't you—(H esitates, 
then indicates box R.)—sit down? | 
Trixiz. Thank you. (Sits'on box Ri) 
Monty. You're looking well. 
Trixit. You've only seen’ me once before in your 
life, so ldon’t consider you avery good judge: 
Monty. (Sitting: beside her) 1 know it gs , 
look: well; even if I haven’t seen you! 
~Trixie...Well, we won't fight about that.’ T came 
to:ask you'a question and | don't know how to sacl 
gms) | 
Monty. Why not ask it without thinking how to- 
begin ? | 
TRIXrm) I’ve been reading the papete jately. 
Monty. Indeed! | 
Trrxigz. And I have seenin them what! Mr. Smith | 
calls\some. very unfavorable ‘comments about you. 
Monty. Subby puts: it mildly. | 
TRIXIE: They say) you) have lost all your money. 
Monty. | They’re «mistaken.» I) haven’t? lost it. ’ 
I’ve spent it. a 
Trixie. Is everything gone? aici 
Monty: Everything—-except what I’ve ook on— 
and that reminds me—my hat and . overcoat 
(Goes to ottoman, brings hat and coat, places them 
on table, Pauses, looking for a moment at coat;'then 
sits\) | | 
TrixiE. (After he is\seated) (It doesn’ t surprise : 
me. I knew you'd doit. 
Monty..'That’s more than I did.’ La 
TRIXIE., [I haven’t been:so foolish. I’ve saved 
some. pa 
Monty.|: I congratulate you. ? 
‘Trixie. And it’s coming faster than I can spend » 
it. PE AE NR ae 


106 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Monty. Gee, that’s an awful feeling, isn’t it? I 
know what that means. I’ve been through it. 

Trixie. Mr. Brewster, you did everything in the 
world that money could do for me. Why did you 
do it? 

Monty. Well, I didn’t do it to have you ask 
questions after I had done it. 

Trixie. Then I won’t ask any more. What I 
came to tell you was that I have about $15,000 lying 
in the bank and I want you to take it. 

Monty. (Jumping up quickly and backing away) 
I beg your pardon, I cannot take it. (L.c.) 

TRIXIE. Please don’t be foolish about it, Mr. 
Brewster. I don’t need it. Besides, it’s really yours, 
anyway. (Forcing paper upon him again.) 

Monty. Sh! Please don’t let anybody hear you 
say that it is mine. It’s yours. I can prove it. I 
have your receipts. I’ll see you in two weeks. 
(Monty exits R., running.) 

Trixic. Mr. Brewster 
entrance R. Enter RAWLES L.) 

Raw Les. Miss Gray. (Exits L. Enter Prcey. 
Precy looks at Trixie, then turns away.) 

TrixiE. Miss Gray. 

Prececy. Yes? (S anne L.) 

Trixiz. I’m Miss Clayton. (Standing Rr.) 

Preay, | Yes. i(u.) 

TRIXIE. (Coming c.) I want to speak to you a 
moment. (Cross c.) I think you can help me. I 
came to see Mr. Brewster and he ran out of the 
room and left me. Will you help me?. 

Peccy. (Crossing c.) What is it you wish? 

TRIxiE. I want you to induce Mr. Brewster to 
take back some of the money he has spent on me. 

Peccy. (L.) Why? 

TRIxIE. (c.) Because I’ve tried and failed. And 
I thought perhaps you would make him see that he 
ought to take it. 


Well! (Goes up to | 


« 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 107 


Pecey. I don’t understand. 

Trixiz. (c.) Of course you know what he has 
done for me, but he has acted so strangely. The 
night of his house party, when I met him, he told 
me he thought I had a wonderful voice, and after- 
ward I found out he had not heard me sing at all. 
When he offered to make me a star I couldn’t be- 
lieve my ears; but when the company was engaged 
and rehearsals began and I was given a beautiful 
apartment and jewels and gowns and servants and 
everything on earth I could think of—and more—I 
thought, as the show girls say, that Mr. Brewster 
was “taken with me,” but he has never even called 
on me from that day to this. Why, he has given 
me the greatest chance a woman ever had and I have 
never been able to say “Thank you” to his face be- 
fore. (Ends speech down R.c.) 

Preccy. What do you mean? That you have never 
seen Mr. Brewster since—since ? (Taking step 
toward TRIXIE.) 

TrrxteE. Never since the house-warming. I ex- 
pected for months that I should see him and get 
some sort of an explanation, but none ever came. 

Precey. I don’t think it needs an explanation. 

TRIXIE. But some people have wrong ideas about 
it. Of course, his real friends—those who know him 
well, like you and your mother—would never believe 
anything wrong of him! ( r.c.) 

Peacy. (Approaching TrixtE) No, his real 
friends would never believe; but oh, Miss Clayton, 
I did believe—I did believe! 

TRIxIE. Miss Gray! 

Prccy. He told me it wasn’t true, but J—I—I’m 
so glad you came here. I'll help you in anything I 
can. I’m glad you’ve had your chance, and I hope 
you'll be the finest, finest actress in the world! (They 
embrace and Miss CLayTon cries. TRIXIE crosses 
to exit L., then stops.) 


103! BREWSTER’S MILLIONS | 


Trixie, (L.) Well, I haven't returned the money, 
but P’ve : done something. | Free ea fe Exits” LL. 
Enter Monty ir.  Bus:) - | | 

‘Monty. Peggy! 8: : . 

Prccy.: (c.) Monty, can you ever foleivd me? > 

Monty. (Stepping back and looking at her): Hoe 
give you—-for what?) | 

Peccy. For believing—— . 1 mean, for not bel 
lieving: I’m so ashamed I’ll never doubt you aca Be 

Monty.” What do you mean? 8 

Precey: | I’ve just heard i (: Crosses to him. py | 

Monty. . You've heard . Is Rabies here?a ei He 
crosses L. quickly, looking: off. rh 

“Precy: No, nol’ (A step down.) 

Monty: What do you Srp set heard? ¢ He 
crosses'to her.) 

Peccy. Miss Clayton has just been’ here’ and I 
don’t care what anyone says'now. 

Monty.) Ah, then-you do believe in me and you’ re 
going to stand by me and be the Peggy: of: the old 
days! Listen, Peggy—at this ‘moment’I haven’t a 
penny in the world, T’ve spent a million dollars in 
a year. Do you care enough’ ‘to stand ‘by a poor, 
miserable devibat whom the whole world is laughing ? 

\Precy.) I love you, Monty. ‘Begin again,’ forget 
this ‘terrible year+-we’ll build a new life together. 

ap ne And) you: won't ‘mind being’ poor dics 
me! 

Pecey. I can never be poor with you! 

‘Monty.’ I’m: the: happiest (Starts to em- 
brace her. Enter Raw Les with ei on Aes 
box lid. Monty breaks away.)* 

RAWLES. »):(L:3) ) A» telegram for you, sir. ut 
wouldn't let the: boy in. 

Monty... Anddid:you shoot him? | 

RAWLES!; No, sir. f och ib OR 

Monty. » (Looking at telegram pe Sure ‘it’s s only a 
telegram? 


SNOITIIJ $,YaLSMaug,, 


‘ 


(a3 


e 


: 
d 
* 
’ 
i 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 109 


Rawtss.. Yes, sir. (Bus, opens oy abet ieigee 
suspiciously.) | aur} erm sles bil 

Monty. Well! Well! | 

RawLes. Beg.pardon, sir. Thirty cents’ de teees 
P MONTY: Certainly... (Bus.) ee cents?) What 
or? 

Rawues.. The telegram, sir. 

Monty. Yes—of course, the telegram, Tell the 
boy.:to take it back. (Puts telegram. on salven. yaa 

Peccy. (Opening purse) Monty, let mes iv) 

RaAwtes.. Beg pardon, sir—if, you'll, allow: anit 

Monty. Certainly, Rawles,and I'll give, it-back 
to, you, presently, 

RAWLES. (Goimg i.) Pray don’t mention it sir, 

Monty. I don’t, mention, it—I. haven’t:.said a 
word. (Crosses up L.) VIl hand——(Bxit) Raw es 
L.)—it back toyou at.one minute. after twelve,» 

Peccy. I hope it isn’t bad news-—l.hate ; tele- 
grams. . 

Monty. (Handing her telegram) Don’t worry 
dear—read it—read it! (Smuiling.) 

Pecey.... I ..think, it’s good, news. | ( Looking: at 
telegram.) 

Monty: Go on—go on! 7 
Preccy. (Reads) It says, “Jones has pibaliloal 
(Looking at telegram.) Ive, always thoitght . this 
Jones, whoever he is, would be better, out of the way, 
He Why, Monty, is it bad news? . (Looking at 

Monty, putiing head on shoulder.) 
Monty. (Staring before him) 1 don’t know ex- 
actly. 
Preccy. Won’t you tell me what it means?, 
Monty. (Taking telegram, looking at it) Why, 
Peggy, if this telegram is right, it means that Iam a 
pauper. Do you realize that—a pauper? I can’t 
ask you to marry me now—it wouldn’t be fair. 
Preecry. Why not? 
Monty. Because I’m broke. 


110 BREWSTER’S MILLIONS 


Peccy. What difference does that make? You 
did ask me just now and you were broke then. 

Monty. I know, dear, but that was a different 
kind of broke. (Crossing L. in front of settee.) 

Peccy. Whatever do you mean? (Enter RAWLES.) 

Raw es. Mr. Harrison. 

Monty. Mr. Harrison—Nopper? Not Mr. Nop- 
per Harrison? 

RAWLEs. Yes, sir. (Enter Harrison Lt. Exit 
RAWLES L.) 

Noprer. (c.) Monty, old man! Oh, but it’s good 
to see you! (Shaking hands c.) 

Monty. (c.) That goes double, Nopper; but 
you’ve come at a bad time. (Goes L 4 

NoprEr. Peggy, how do you do? Why, what’s 
the trouble, Monty? 

Monty. (Going t.c.) Made a fool of myself. 
Spent all my money. 

Noprer. The papers told me that. Is the whole 
thing gone? 

Monty. Everything! (Enter Raw es.) 

Raw.es. Mr. Grant. (Mr. Grant enters L.) 

Grant. (Excited, out of breath) How do you 
do, Mr. Brewster? Did you get my wire? 

Monty. Yes, sir, just now. 

Grant. (Down t.c.) Sorry to have frightened 
you. We found him. 

Monty. (c.) Found him? (Prcey and Har- 
RISON down R.C.) 

Grant. There was a report that he’d disappeared, 
but he’s in New York and will be here at twelve 
o'clock. 

Monty. (Crossing quickly to Peccy) Do you 
hear that, Peggy? He’s here! It’s all right! Jones 
is here! Excuse me—Miss Gray, Mr. Grant, Mr. 
Harrison, Mr. Grant. (R.c.) Oh, this is good news. 
(c., going to GRANT.) | 


BREWSTER’S MILLIONS Ii 


Grant. (L.) Are your books ready for inspec- 
tion? 

Monty. (L.c.) Yes, sir. 

Grant. All your money gone? 

Monty. Every penny of it. 

GRANT. Absolutely penniless? 

Monty. Absolutely penniless—no article of jew- 
elry, finance, visible or invisible asset 

Noprer. Not quite penniless, thank Heaven! 
Monty, allow me to return to you the $35,000 I owe 
you. (Takes out money, hands tt to Monty.) 

Monty. You don’t owe me anything, Nopper. 
(Pushing Harrison back.) 

Nopprer. Oh, yes, I do. It’s been on my mind 
every moment since. 

Monty. Keep it on your mind a couple of min- 
utes longer. 

GRANT. What’s the meaning of this, Mr. Brew- 
ster? 

Monty. (c., trying to make light of it) Nothing 
at all. 

Grant. Mr. Brewster, what does this mean? 

Monty. (Slowly, with feeling) It means, Mr. 
Grant, that I’ve lost. | 
Grant. Lost? Haven’t you dissipated the for- 
tune? . 

Monty. No, sir. Here are thirty-five thousand 
dollars that refuse to dissipate. Now, look here, 
Mr. Grant. [ve made a hard fight to carry out this 
contract and I’ve got to do it. What time is it? 
What time is it? 

GRANT. Two minutes of twelve. (Taking out 
watch.) 

Monty. Two minutes—two minutes to spend 
thirty-five thousand dollars. Look here, Mr. Grant, 
you've given me advice—why won’t you accept this 
as counsel fees? (Cross L. to him.) 


112 BREWSTER’S: MILLIONS 


Grant: I’m sorry; Mr..Brewster, I can’t. do that. 
I’m retained by Jones as executor’s counsel. | 

Monty. (Crossing ci) © Executor’s counsel | 
Executor-—executor.»: Why, executors get co don’t 
they ? 

Gdhien: (Down t.)-> Yes. 

Monty. (Down-c.) Isn’t Mr. Jones the execu- 
tor of my uncle's estate? 

GRANT. Yes: | 

Monty». (Excited)  Whatiare executor’s fees? 

GRANT.’ Not Jess than: one-half of one per cenit’ 
onthe principal. 

Monty. One-half of one\per cenit: of Seven mil- 
lion: dollars— Why, that’s ceabave siete 
dollars, isn’t it? 

GRanr. Brewster, I follow you. Good 

Monty. Well, then, there you are. Hereate my’ 
books;’ my! papers and my receipts, faithfully and — 
honorably kept; and here, Mr. Grant, are thirty=! 
five thousand dollars-—Mr.: Jones’) fee-as executor 
of my uncle’s estate. Now, Mr. Grant, I haven’t'a 
penny ino the--— » (Places money in Grant's’ hand 
and’ backs-away vU.c.) 

Grant. My boy, I congratulate you— 


(RAWLES ts heard off, expostulating unth people cube 
want toventerL. They break by him and enter 

-Li with packages: Enter Aux: with: birthday.’ 
presents.) | | 


Att. (Murmuring) Happy returns of the, day,; 
Monty! . (Offering presents.) 

Monty. Wait—wait—not yet. (Chimes strike 
twelve o'clock.) Mr. Grant, let me introduce you to 
the finest lot of friends a mar was ever cursed with. _ 
They’ve been trying to ruin me with birthday pres- 
ents——=+ ‘Twelve o’clock! It’s’ all right. Peggy, 
dear, I can ask you now—I’m rich. h 3 


BREWSTER’S:, MILLIONS 113 


Preccy. What, do you-mean? | 
“Monty. I ‘mean I°madeée.a contract to spend a 
million dollars in a year in order to get seven” million 
left me by my. uncle. You'll know all about. itan a 
minute. He’s here-—— | (Enter RawLes.) Anat 
Rawtes. (ci) ‘Mr. Swearington Jones—— © 
Monty. Yes 
Raw es,  Twouldn’t let him’ in! : ri 
Monty. Well, you Jetshim:in! (They runvoff 
Lind seodt 


CURTAIN 


Clarence 


Comedy in 4 acts by Booth Tarkington. 5 males, 5 females. Z% 
interiors. Costumes, modern. Plays 2% hoars. 

One of the “five million’, Clarence served where he was sent-— 
though it was no further than Texas. As an entomologist he 
feund—on this side of the ocean—no field for his specialty, so 
they set him to driving mules. 

Now, reduced to civil life and seeking a job, he finds a posi- 
tion in the home of one Wheeler, a wealthy man with a family. 
And because he’a “been in the army” he becomes guide, philes- 
opher and friend to the members of that distracted family 
group. Clarence’s position is an anomolous one. He mends the 
plumbing, tunes the piane, types—oif stage—-and plays. the saxe- 
phone. And around him revolves such a group of characters 
as only Booth Tarkington could offer. It is a real American 
comedy, at which the audience ripples with appreciative and 
delighted laughter. 

Those marvelous young people, Cora and Bobby, ere portrait 
sketches warranted to appeal to everyone. 

Royalty, $25.00. Price, 75 cents. 


The Charm School 


Comedy in $ acts by Alice Duer Miller and Robert Milton. 
6 males, 10 females. (May be played by 5 males and § females). 
(Any number of school girls may be used in the ensembles). 
2 interiors. Costumes, modern. Plays 2% hours. 

A young automobile salesman just out of his ’teens inherits a 
girl’s school and insists on running it himself, according to his 
own ideas, chief of which is that the dominant feature in the 
education of the young girl of today should be CHARM. 

In the end the young man gives up the school and promises 
to wait until the youngest of his pupils reaches a marriagable 


age. 

“The Charm School” has the freshness of youth, the inspir- 
ation of a novel idea, the charm of originality, and wholesome, 
amusing entertainment. We strongly recommend it for high 
school preduction. 

First produced in New York, then toured the country. Two 
companies now playing it in England. Royalty, $25.00. Price, 


45 cents. 
A Full House 


Fareical comedy in 3 acts. By Fred Jackson. % males, 4% 
females. 1 interior. Modern costumes. Plays 21% hours. This 
newest and funniest farce was written by Fred Jackson, the 
well-known story writer, and is backed up by the prestige of 
an impressive New Work success and the promise of unlimi 
fun presented in the most attractive form. A cleverer farce 
has not been seen for many a leng day. “A Fall House’ is a 
house full of laughs. Royalty, $25. Price, 75 cents. 


SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City 
New and Explicit rapa ld Catalogue Mailed 
on quest 


Dulcy 


Comedy in 3 acts. By George S. Kaufman and Mare Con- 
nelly (with a bow to Franklin P. Adams), 8 males, 3 females. 
1 interior. Costumes, modern. Plays 2% hours. 

In her determination to help her husband and friends Duley 
plans @ week-end party. They ere an ill-assorted group, such’ 
as only a Duicitnea could summon about her. Their brief asse- 
ciation becomes a series of hilaricus tragedies. It is Duicy’s 
final blunder which unexpectedly crowns her efforts with success. 

Meanwhile she has all but ruined her husband’s plans to 
put through a big merger with a rich capitalist. Among her 
gtests is a rapturous scenaric writer who conspires to elope 
with the daughter of the capitalist, who loathes motion pic-, 
tures. The rich young man from Newport, who Dulcy thinks 
may be useful in assisting the capitalist’s wife to write for the 
fibms, turns out to be an escaped lunatic. The ex-convict butler 
steals a necklace. Everything goes wrong. But the most ex- 
quisite torture she inflicts is when she imvites the scenario 
writer to recite one of his hectic plots to music played by the 
lunatic. It is with this that the play reaches its highest level 
of satirical fun. 

“Duley” ran for a season in New York, and is now on tour 
throughout the United States and Canada. Royalty, $25.00. 
Price, 75 cents. 


Come Out of the Kitchen 


Comedy in 8 acts, adapted by A. EH. Thomas from the story 
by Alice Duer Miller. 6 males, 5 females. 3 interiors. Cas- 
tumes, modern. Plays 242 hours. 

“OQome Out of the Kitchen,” with Ruth Chatterton in the 
leading role, made a notable success on its production by Henry 
Miller in New York. It was also a great success in Lendon. A 
most ingenious and entertaining comedy. We strongly recom- 
mend if for amateur production. Royalty, $25.00. Price, 75 
cents. 


‘ Kempy 


Comedy in 3 acts, by J. C. Nugent and Eiliott Nugent. 4 
males, 4 females. 1 interior throughout. Costumes, modern. 
Plays 232 hours. 

The story is about a highfalutin daughter who in a fit of 
pique marries the young plumber-architect, who comes to fix 
the water pipe, just because he “understands” her, having 
yead her book and sworn to marry the authoress. But in that 
stery Hes all the humor that kept the audience laughing every 
second. 

The amateur acting rights are reserved for the present in 
ali cities and towns where there are stock companies. Royalty 
will be quoted on application for those cities and towns where 
it may be presented by amateurs. Price, 75 cents. 


SES ES Le LE TLD 


SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City 
New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed 
Free on Request 


The Famous Mrs. Fair 


‘A play In 4 acts. By James Forbes, author of “The Com- 
‘muters’, “The Traveling Salesman’, etc. 3 males, 10 foniales, 
2 interiors. Costumes modern. Plays 24% hours: _ 

CVEre. Pair was 2a major abreotd and won’ a medal for. bravery, 
‘Her husband was displeased when Mire. Fair came home to a 
‘fame which lifted her out of his life. The dissatisfaction grew 
as she became absorbed in public functions. Mr. Forbes traces 
the widening of the rift between husband and wife with great 
skill in the first two acts. These are light comedy. In the third 
the mood becomes serious and we find that Mrs. Fair’s absence 
from bome has set the husband to philandsering and the daugh- 
ter to intimacy with a’gay set. Indeed, only through the joint 
““efforte of husband’ and wife to save the girl from danger, ‘is 
harmony again established. 
A true comedy, written with keen insight. Royalty, $35.00, 
Price, %5 ‘cents. 


‘Nothing But the Truth 


Comedy in 8 acts. By James Montgomery. 5 males, 6 fe- 
amales. .Costumes, modern. % interiors. Plays 244 hours. 

Is i€ possible to tell the absolute truth—even for twenty- 
four hours? It is—at least Bob Bennett, hero of “Nothing But 


rirty 


the Truth”, accomplished the feat. The bet he made with his 3 


business pSriners, and the trouble he got into‘is the subject of 


William Collier’s tremendous comédy hit. “Nothing But the ie iy 


Truth” can be whole-heartedly recommended as one of the 
“most sprightly, amusing and popular comedies. Royalty; $25.00. 
Price, 60 cents. Pent iy: 


On the Hiring Line 


“o> Comedy in 3 acts, by Harvey O’Higgins and Harriet: Ford. 
a ‘males, 4 females. .1 interior. «Costumes, modern. Plays 2% 
ours. 


Sherman Fessenden, unable te induce servants to remain ‘at a 
his Jersey home, hits upon the expedient of engaging detectives — 4 


as domestics. 
His second wife, an actress, weary of the country, has suc- — 
eéeded in discouraging every other cook and butler against — 
‘remaining long, believing that she will convince her hush md 
_ that country life is dead. So she is deeply disappointed’ w. en 
she finds she cannot discourage the néw servants. 
The sleuths, believing they. are called to report on those living 


_ with the Fessendens, warn Fessenden that his wife has been 
receiving love-notes from an actor friend, and that his” daughter ME 


igs planning to elope with a supposed thief. 
. One sleuth causes an uproar making a mess of the situations 


he. has witnessed. Fessenden, however, has learned a lesson 


and is willing to leave the servant problem to his wife. 
Enjoyed long runs in New York and Chicago. Royalty, $25. 00. 
Price, 35 cents. 


v 


‘SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York ber 
New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed 
Free on Request 


a charming: ‘comely in 4 acts, by Jean Webster. males, 
g femal, and 6 a ae by ensy reap of: some ohare 


by small girls. 
hours. i By a 
The New) York Times nveoker the: flowing} oaeent 

“If you will take your pencil and write down, 
the other, the words delightful, charming, sweet, beaut 
entertaining, and. then draw 2 line and add them up, the nawer 
‘will be ‘Daddy Long-Legs’ - To that result you: might even add 


en 
would be just what it wae before—the play which Miss Jean 
‘Webster has made from her book, ‘Daddy Long-Legs’. To at- 
tempt to describe the simplicity | and: beauty of ‘Daddy Long- 
Legs’ bhi ad he like attempting | to describe the first. Le ee of 


for over " three ‘years. Herp tty, oe 00. Price, 20 genta, ya 


To the Ladies 


ny Haleelete comedy in $ acts, by George re Kagtinnn: and ; 
Mare. Connelly. 11. males, $ femmnton. 3. interiors, | Costumes 
maodern. Plays 21% hours: : ne 
The authors of ‘Duley’? have divulged. a secret” known. 
ot every woman-—and to some men, though the men don’t ‘admit it 

 .- The central figures are young Leonard Beebe and: his wife 
Etsie, # little girl from Mobile. Leonard is the average young 
i Ameriean clerk, the kind who read all the “Success” stories 
‘ the magazines and believe them. Elsie has determined to man 
him something more. She has her hands fall—even has 
make an after dinner speeph: for him—but she does it- and the 2 
play shows how,, Sauna ick 4 

Helen Hayes played ‘Elsie and Otto. Kroger impersonated 
‘Leonard in New York, where it ran 3a whole season. Here’s a 
e¢lean and wholesome play, deliciously | funny and’ altogether a 
diverting Llane tar 5 entertainment, aunuenee nuit Price, 7 


peenta. i batt 
‘Three Live Ghosts a 


‘Comedy in 3 acts by, ¥rederick Ysham and Max 

males, 4 females (2 policemen), | 1. interior ‘throughout. -  Coa- 
] pumes, modern. Plays 2% hours. 
“Tree Live Ghosts” ‘is brim full of fun and’ humor and is 
gure to keep audiences: im gales of laughter. The New York 
erities described it as the most ingenious and amusing comedy 
of the season, genuinely funny. It ered 2 full season in’ 
| New York, then toured the big oitles. { & Bvely comedy vies oso 
| Royalty, $25. 00, Price, wm Rents. | " 


| SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 46th Street, New York Ot 
New ees eget Deseriptive atalogue Mailed 
; Free. on. Loney ui 


"Standard Library. sedis 


Clyde F ‘ech 
William Gillette 
Agia habe Thomas 

- George Broadhurst _ 
Edward E. Kidder _. 

» Percy MacKaye =. 
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 
- Leuis N. Parker 
-R.C. Carton) 
Alfred Sutro 


Richard Harding Par 2 


_| Sir Arthur W. Pinero | 
- Anthony Hope . - 

Oscar Wilde.» 

Haddon Chambers" 

“Jerome K. Jerome 

Cosmo Gordon Lennox 5! 

-H.V. Esmond - 

"Mark Swan. y 

Grace L. Furniss. 

CMareuctite Merrington 

~ Hermann Sudermann © 

- Rida Johnson oma” 

Arthur Law © : 

Rachel Geshe at 

Martha Morton 

> HLA. Du Souchet 

‘ WwW. W. Jacobs — ee 

es Madeleine Lucette ey 


ah ° “Includes «Play by 


Booth Tarkington _ 
eae Hartley Manners 

- James Forbes | 
James Mont yonapiy 
‘Wm. C. de Mille - 
Roi Cooper Megrue © 
Edward E. ‘Rose - 
Israel Zangwill © 

2 Benty. Bont” 

‘ Harold Bighouss! 
ee hinuiae Pollock — 

. Harry. Durant 

- Winchell Smith — 
Margaret Mayo © 
Edward Peple 

_A. E..W. Mason © 
‘Charles Klein — ; 
- Henry Arthur Jones. 
AL E.Thomas. 
Fred. Ballard 

~ Cyril Mateseee d, 
- Carlisle Moore a ta 
Ernest Denny e 

. Laurence Housman — 

~ Harry James Smith 
Edgar Selwyn 

- Augustin McHugh 
Robert Housum yee 
Charles Kenyon | 

Ce. ‘M. Ss. MeLellen 


- Beocch's international \CspyHahted Edition: contains 
plays, comedies and farces of international reputation; — 


also recent professional successes by famous Ameri- mal ct 
can and English’ Authors. on Road hee 


Send aLfour-cont stamp: For. our new. catalogue 
te fs describing. thousands of plays. ne 


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